(00:01):
Welcome to Negotiate your Career Growth. I'm Jamie Lee, and I teach you how to blend the best of negotiation strategies with feminist coaching so you get promoted and better paid without burning bridges or burning out in the process. Let's get started.
(00:15):
It's a beautiful day here in New York City, and I'm gonna take you back about a decade to my former life as an operations director at a New York based tech startup where... I wouldn't even bat an eye if I had to stay in the office until past 7:00 PM to ensure a client email was drafted with 200 of just the right words with specificity and detail showing that while I clearly knew my stuff, I also knew how to walk that fine line between respectful and tenacious. Going to bat on behalf of my company with clients and vendors was my jam. I liked, I enjoyed negotiating on behalf of my company.
(01:03):
I was really good at it, and I was hardworking. I also never hesitated to go to bat for my own direct reports. I remember at one point I said to the leadership team, the COO, CEO, CRO, the CTO, you know, my assistant, she's an absolute asset to the organization. And yes, she definitely deserves that 20% raise.
(01:31):
And here's a little pro tip for you, because this is what happened in that conversation. The COO who was really the key decision maker in that room, even though there was the CEO, the COO, the CTO, he turns to me and then he asked me, "is this what your assistant said she wants?" So key point, they have to know that you want the raise, right? They, they need to know that you really want it <laugh> for them to be like, oh, okay, let's give it to her because if she really wants it and we wanna keep her, this is how we keep her, right?
(02:08):
And so I answered, yes. She said she wants this. And so my direct report, my assistant got the 20% pay raise.
(02:18):
And yet, even though I enjoyed going to bat for my company and for my direct reports, I'm gonna be honest with you, in this former life -- when I didn't know the tools, when I didn't understand how my mind works, and I didn't understand the negotiation strategies that I now teach and that I'm going to teach you today, <laugh> -- because of these reasons, when it came to engaging in informal chats with the C-suite, or when I sat down one-on-one with my direct supervisor or even an industry mentor to talk about what I wanted in my career, I'd get tongue tied, I'd freeze up, I'd become unsure of myself with this lump, this, this hot, heavy lump of anxiety pressing into my throat and stomach.
(03:14):
This is the reason why I do this work, because I know what it was like to be so anxious to be so frozen <laugh>, even though I was so hardworking, even though I prided in working hard and being good at what I do, I had so much trouble advocating and negotiating for myself.
(03:35):
And here is what I have learned since then that there wasn't anything wrong with me for feeling awkward or anxious when it came to advocating for myself. And that's because I was simply feeling the effects of being a woman, a person of color, and immigrant, the effects of being socialized to believe things like I should keep my head down and do good work. I shouldn't rock the boat. People are gonna dislike me. I'm gonna be cut out from the crowd if I speak up and ask for what I want. And here's another thing that I didn't know that I do know now, that it is possible, that I can equip myself with very simple brain, state changing tools, the tools that can impact how I feel and therefore what I do as a result.
(04:31):
And that these tools are really simple things that I can practice just about anywhere at any time, even like two minutes before I go into an interview or a negotiation so that I can feel less anxious, so that I can feel more calm, so that I can feel more confident, grounded as I advocate for myself. Now, fast forward about a decade <laugh>, and now I teach these very tools combined with proven negotiation strategies that work for women to my coaching clients. And the results are so fun. I have clients who have secured promotions to senior director, vp, even to president titles this year because they advocated for themselves. I have clients who have gotten budgets approved for contractors, freelancers, additional headcount, so they're no longer doing all the work and drowning in all the work. And I have clients who have successfully finally pushed back and get heard by that impossible executive.
(05:49):
We all know one that really difficult person who's always flip flopping on decisions the very last minute. And so they're making headway. They are starting to advocate, they're starting to engage in this informal non-monetary, but professional workplace negotiations that build up that stack that domino so that they have the sustainable, they have the satisfying career and the muscle and the skill to grow their income and their impact. I want to assure you this is absolutely possible for you too. You too can advocate for your career growth with less anxiety in this coming Tuesday on April 18th at 12:00 PM Eastern, that's noon in New York time. I'm hosting a free and open workshop. And then I'm going to walk you, I'm going to demo three of my favorite tools for self-directed neuroplasticity. And you are more than welcome. It's completely free <laugh>. And if you know anyone or any woman professional who feels nervous or anxious going to bat for herself, please forward her this podcast.
(07:25):
The link to register to get the zoom link is in the show notes. So at this workshop, you are going to learn three brain state changing tools. So a fancier word for that is self-directed neuroplasticity tools. And they are effective because anxiety is produced in the brain, it's felt in the nervous system, but you have agency over that just like you have agency over your career, just like you have agency over your life, just like you have agency over your income growth. And what I do in my private coaching practice is I combine them with research backed negotiation strategies that have been proven to work for women. Yes, research, have research, have shown that certain strategies work better for women than men. So today I want to walk you through three of them.
(08:26):
The first two are from a research paper that was produced by Dr. Julia Bear and Dr. Linda Babcock. Dr. Julia Bear, uh, is at Stony Brook University. And in fact, five years ago, she was interviewed on my old podcast. If you come to jamie lee coach.com, and then you scroll all the way to the bottom of my website, you see the footnote, there is a link for podcast archives. And, uh, you can find the interview that I did with Dr. Julia Bear about this specific research, um, which I'm going to tell you about. So in this research, they found that when women negotiators do two specific mental primes and mental primes are simply how they mentally prepare ahead of the negotiation. So when women did these two mental primes, their monetary outcomes improved. They effectively closed their gender pay gap. Take that in. <laugh> closed the gender pay gap in this research. And when they had the men try the mental primes when they mentally prepared in this two specific way, it didn't really impact their negotiation outcomes.
(09:41):
So again, research have shown these two specific mental primes. Mental preparations help women. So number one, mental prime. First, mental prime is ahead of negotiating for yourself, negotiating for a compensation salary. Or maybe you're negotiating over a price of something prepared by thinking of two incidents, two previous incidents where you did advocate for yourself, where you did assert yourself, where you did stand up, where you did say something when you did speak up, even though it was a little nervous in the beginning, and it took some courage, but you did, maybe you spoke up for your child at the PTA meeting. Maybe you took a stand for, you know, how the team meeting is run. Maybe you took a stand for yourself with your mother-in-law. Maybe you took a stand for yourself with, with a romantic partner. Just recall what that was like, what it was like for you to stand up for yourself, for you to advocate for yourself.
(10:40):
And when women did this in this research, uh, they found that women's monetary outcomes improved. So the second mental prime in this research is that you mentally prepare ahead of the monetary negotiation by pretending as if you're going to negotiate for a friend, right? This is something that, um, I think is not unique to me. I think many of you listening, if you are a woman or a person socialized as a woman or a person who identifies as a woman, you probably, or if you feel that, you know, you have a lot of feminine qualities in you, in our society, we have been taught to associate femininity with the willingness, uh, with the, um, empathy, with the, uh, the regard for taking care with regard for others, right? Like, oh, let me take care of you. Let me be nurturing. Yeah. So this is something that we find across cultures around the world.
(11:44):
And so we leverage that in a compensation or monetary negotiation. We just like imagine, you know, what would I ask for? How would I approach the negotiation if I was doing this for a friend or somebody I really like and cherish? Would I ask for 20% more? Would I be more insistent? Would I be more persistent? Would I not just easily back off at the first? No. Yeah, think about that. Like if you have something that you need to ask for, you need to negotiate for. Before you negotiate, ask yourself, what might I say? How might I approach it? How differently might I negotiate if I was going to negotiate for a friend, a lover or family that I really love? Because research have shown that when you do it can help you close your pay gap. So big and so fun. The third strategy is, again, by Dr.
(12:52):
Linda Babcock. Uh, Dr. Babcock is with Harvard, so cool. She's with the Harvard Kennedy School Women and Public Policy Program. And in this research, they tested the effectiveness, effectiveness of what they call relational accounts. Relational accounts are basically approaching the negotiation from the context of how this helps the relationship with the organization or how this serves the mission and goal of the organization, the employer. So in other words, they have proven that self-advocacy, when it is done as an act of service, it does help women's negotiation outcomes. It does help to close the gender wage gap. This is so fun. So what they did in this particular research is that they had the test subject explain the legitimacy of what they were asking for. Um, in terms of, uh, one person, one test subject just made an excuse as to why they were negotiating for more.
(14:16):
One person said, you know, I, I have to negotiate for more because my supervisor told me that I have to negotiate for more pay. So that was test subject one, and then the test subject two, she justified the negotiation by saying, you know, I'm hopeful you'll see my skill at negotiating as something that is important I bring to the job. Boom, that's so good, right? It's like, yes, I do a great job, and yes, I'm going to help further the mission of this organization. I'm here to support the organization, and guess what, even me negotiating itself is something important I bring to the job. And they found in this research at this Harvard Candidate School research, I mean, you can't get more prestigious than that. They found that explaining the legitimacy of the ask, uh, using this relational account improved both the social outcome as well as negotiation outcome for women, but not for men.
(15:31):
So I'm so glad, and I feel it's really fun to see my work being validated by researchers at Harvard and Stony Brook University, people with PhDs. They have found that when in fact you frame your ask as an act of service, it's not just for me. It helps us, it helps the organization. Even me negotiating helps the organization. It helps to close the gender wage gap. So I hope you consider these three useful and proven strategies and think about how you can incorporate them into your everyday as well as monetary salary negotiations. Because I believe all of that builds up your self-advocacy muscle. And if, if you still feel okay, that's good to know. But when I think about sitting down with my manager, oh, anxiety, oh, nervous. Oh, I feel frozen up. Oh, all of a sudden I want to just stick my head in the sand.
(16:35):
Listen, I get it. I've been you, I've been there. I help my clients through this. And the way I do it is I combine these proven strategies with proven brain changing tools, brain state changing tools, self-directed neuroplasticity tools. And they're fun. They're easy. They, they, they come with a lot of dopamine and laughter. And if you wanna experience some of that for yourself, this is an open invitation to join my open workshop. It's gonna be held over Zoom, it's gonna be meeting, we're gonna see each other, and you're going to be sending up, you're gonna be, it's just gonna be a lot of fun. I don't wanna give too much away too soon, but I hope you can join it. And if you can't make it, but you still wanna see it and experience it, register. Anyway, I will make sure to send you the replay. The link is in the show notes. I hope you enjoyed this. I hope you negotiate because it is a great way to flex your self-advocacy muscle and to grow your agency. And when you have agency, you feel more free. And when you have, when you have more freedom, you get to do more things that are fun and to you. So I hope you enjoy Spring and Apple, see or talk to you very soon.
(17:58):
If you enjoy this podcast, come to jamie lee coach.com, j a m i e L e e c o A c h.com to get your free ebook. How to ask for a big pay raise and get it. And if you want expert guidance in your corner to help you achieve greater self-confidence and greater career satisfaction as you grow your skills in negotiating, leading, and influencing as a woman professional, I invite you to book your free one-on-one sales call with me to find out how executive coaching can help you do exactly that. The link is in the show notes. Talk soon.