In this episode, I'm sharing an excerpt from my recent live workshop: How to Ace Your End-of-Year Review.
(Please note the live role-play portion of the workshop has been edited out to protect the volunteers.)
Referenced in this episode:
As an executive coach for women, I'm super passionate about helping smart women who hate office politics get promoted and better paid.
I do this through my unique combination of:
To learn about my 1:1 coaching series and to book your free hour-long consultation with me, click here: https://www.jamieleecoach.com/apply
Enjoy the show?
Connect with me
Welcome to negotiate your career growth. I'm Jamie Lee and I teach you how to blend the best of negotiation strategies with feminist coaching. So you get promoted and better paid without burning bridges or burning out in the process. Let's get started. Welcome everyone to how to ace your end of your review negotiation workshop. My name is Jamie Lee, I'm a certified executive coach. And I'm also the host of negotiate your career growth podcast, which you can find on every major podcasting platform. We have, we have a lot of content to cover. And I really do, my intention is to help as many of you practice out loud with me, if possible, so that you can build your confidence, your skill in advocating for the growth, the income, the impact that you want. A little bit about me if you're new to me, I help smart women who hate office politics get promoted and better paid without throwing anyone under the bus. And if you're wondering how in the world is that possible? What I do is, I take a different approach to most people, I combine practical neuroscience tools with the best of mutual benefit negotiation strategies from an intersectional feminist perspective. And why? It's because the hesitation, the fear, the anxiety, the worry about what can go wrong, when you negotiate and advocate for myself. Yes, there is the effect of gender blowback. But also, what is the root cause of that fear, anxiety, hesitation -- it is gender socialization. In other words, we have been taught to, to wait to prioritize other people's needs to think that we're responsible for how other people feel. And so then when we, when we are coming from that place, what we're doing is we're acting from an unconscious programming that we didn't choose. And we have these habituated patterns of hesitating or avoiding speaking up advocating for what we want, which end up which ended up not serving the growth that we want, right, and so I approach it from let's, let's start from the root cause. And let's, let's start from the brain, let's start from you know, where the negotiation strategy can be created can be implemented, let's, let's address that. And let's create a pattern interrupt so that you can stop habituated patterns that don't serve you and start new habits of speaking up new habits of feeling genuinely good and valuable, acknowledged because you are grounded in the value that you bring. So with that said, here's what we're going to review today. Here's what we're going to go through, I want to address the myths, the unconscious programming that get in the way of talented, hard working, diligent women getting promoted, better paid in their careers. I'm gonna share with you the good news based on facts based on social science research. I want to I want to walk you through a one minute brain rewiring exercise that you can do anytime, anywhere, particularly ahead of your review, ahead of your salary negotiation, so that you can be more grounded confident in your self advocacy. And then we're gonna get into brass tacks, like what are the three key components that you want to ensure that you're addressing when you are talking about the goals that you have achieved, talking about what you want to achieve talking about the growth or the income that you want to be making? How how can you ensure that you are set up for success? And then I'm going to walk you through I'm going to give you specific speaking prompts, so that you know how you can best articulate, communicate the value that you're bringing. And like I said, I want to give us an opportunity to practice out loud when I first started as a negotiation trainer. Gosh, 11, 12 years ago, I realized at the end of the day, we women, we we just some of us, we just lack the practice, right. Something that feels hard and difficult sometimes when we just make ourselves practice 1% at Time, if we just incrementally practice a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more, that's how we can build that skill and confidence. So I want to be able to give some of you the opportunity to do a real roleplay with me, and here's what I'm going to do, I'm going to be you. I'm going to be, I'm going to pretend that I'm you. So that you can see how I might apply my framework to help you advocate for the growth that you want. And then of course, we'll open it up for q&a. And feel free to use the chat. But if you have questions, as much as possible, I'm going to ask you to hold them until the end, so that we can address them one by one. All right. And this is being recorded, yes, you will get the replay. So if you have to leave if you have to go to a meeting or pick up your kid, I understand, you're gonna get the replay. Okay. All right. So what holds us back what holds so many hundreds 1000s of women from confidently advocating for wins, and are once I think it's the immense fallacies and distortions. I have taught these in previous workshops. So I'm going to, I'm going to review the really quickly. And you see what's happening here in this slide is that it's like a cycle. It repeats itself. Okay, somebody says, I still see the main slide. You don't see myths, fallacies and distortions. Interesting. Interesting. Okay. All right. Thank you for letting me know. It looks like we have a bit of a technical hiccup. So I'm going to stop the share. And let's see what I can do here. Okay, can I do? Bear with me for a moment, please? As we address these, all right. Let's try, let's try this. Okay, let's try this. How's that? Someone let me know if you can see that. All right, perfect. Amazing. Thank you. Thank you. All right. So notice there are three A's here. And I'm speaking from my own personal experience, I have noticed that when I feel uncomfortable, or anxious, or uncertain or even insecure about speaking up for myself, I've noticed that I sometimes fall into this, the cycle of avoiding a conversation, an awkward conversation that can create change. And I find myself appeasing. Accommodating, saying yes to things I don't really want to be saying, but because I feel like oh, I need to keep everyone happy and comfortable around me. I noticed myself just saying yes to things I don't really want to be saying yes to. And then and then the the resentment, the the anger, the annoyance the frustration, you know, builds up and I end up either attacking myself or, or getting mad at people who can't fight back. So it's like the avoid-appease-attack cycle. And how does this show up? In our workplace, self advocacy in our, in our workplace negotiation, we avoid, again, an awkward but crucial conversation, because we're buying into this fallacy that everyone should be okay. Everyone should feel okay around me. God forbid, should anyone feel upset or annoyed? Or like, mmm, right? And we get worried what if they get upset I asked or sometimes people have told me they they get afraid that if I ask for what I want, I'm just going to lose my job. It's like the worst case scenario, brain goes way into the worst case scenario, if I, if I speak up, if I advocate for my value, and talk to them about how I'm bringing so much value to the organization, and, and, you know, here's a way to ensure that, you know, you and the both me and the organization will be happy, and they're afraid or No, I might just get fired. That's extreme fear, right? And I do understand that, again, this depends on the context, what is the context what is happening at your organization? How are you framing for the value you bring, but sometimes fear is simply a misuse of the imagination. Fear is simply us projecting, like, you know, something that can go wrong into the future, and then we end up avoiding having the conversations that can unlock so much more value for both you and the other side. Tiara syndrome. So this was the coronation that we were referencing earlier. Tiara syndrome is when you keep your head down and wait for other people wait for the powers that be to reward you with recognition, validation of pay raise, without you asking for it. Like, there's this assumption that I shouldn't have to ask, I'm killing it, people are so happy that I do this great job. They keep telling me that the work is valuable that I'm a valued member of the team, I shouldn't have to ask for it. It's kind of like, shouldn't they just notice and reward me. But we also know that the tiara never arrives. Because the reality is, if you don't ask people don't know that you want. And if they don't think you want more, they'll just assume that you're happy with what you got. And they'll be like, okay, great, we got to hire you, I got to hire somebody who doesn't need a lot of pay and are creating so much value. Amazing, right, because at the end of the day, an employer is incentivized to keep their expenses low, keep their payroll expenses low. So yes, there are those, you know, interest, but at the same time, they have to balance that interests with, they also want to keep, retain and satisfy talent, they also want to retain, and make sure that the employe is happy to work there. Because if you're not getting paid what you're worth, you can always go find another job. Right. And it costs about 200% of your current pay for an employer to hire, recruit and train a skilled replacement, a skilled employee. So tiara syndrome is a myth. And Emily adds, especially if you're a woman with young children, people may not think you'd want to take on more. Right? I think you're what you're speaking to is managers assume that the person who most wants promotions raises, you know, a bigger scope of responsibility, more visibility, the people who want it the most are the people who ask for it. And when you're in tiara syndrome, you think, oh, no, I shouldn't have to ask you think, almost like unconsciously wanting the other side to read your mind. Right. But we do know, managers, bosses, people in general are not mind reader's. So that's why tiara syndrome is a myth. Perfectionist fantasy is something very common with women of color, if you're double minority in the workplace, and I can understand why because, you know, we have had, as double minorities, we have had experiences where we felt like we had to exceed other people's misconceptions of us, we have to exceed other people's, you know, under-estimation of us, and so we feel like I have to do it just right. I do it perfect. And if I get any sort of pushback, I just talked to a person yesterday who said, you know, as soon as she asked for the raise for the promotion and or manager just like, "You want, you want to be promoted? You?" and she was like, she was disappointed. She was immediately disappointed. And she she sort of shut down, right? So that that's what can happen when you're in this perfectionist fantasy. When you telling yourself it has to just go perfect. And if I get any sort of pushback, it means I failed. It means they don't respect me. It means I might as well concede and give up. So, in that way, you unconsciously unintentionally end up attacking yourself and also attacking the other side. Like they're just, you know, shitty managers. Right? So I'm curious, which of these have you experienced? For me, I've experienced all of them in different times in my career different situations. And I'm curious for those of you who are watching this, yes. All right. Yeah. So I just want to, I just want to say sometimes when we, when we confront this, it's easy to think, oh, does it mean, I've been doing it wrong? No, I, I just want to help everyone raise their awareness around us. Right? Just as I said, at the beginning of this conversation, we we experienced this not because we're doing it wrong. But because we have all been exposed to socialization, we have all been exposed to this idea that as women, we're supposed to keep everyone else happy and comfortable. We've all been exposed to Disney fairy tales, where a princess...she was just good and, and kind and humble and doesn't speak up for herself gets rewarded the Prince Charming, right? We've all been exposed to this perfectionist fantasy from a very young age, from school and on. So it's not our fault. We just want to be able to recognize these patterns, so that we can make a new choice. And I want to share with you like, notice, these are all myths, fallacies distortions, what are the facts? What what is science? What do real research say? According to the smart folks at Harvard Business Review, beyond negotiating your salary, negotiating your role, your career trajectory has a bigger impact on your lifetime earnings. And gets you seen as a leader. I recently shared online and with my newsletter there, at least at least 55 and counting there. Actually, I have another colleague, she says there are 75 things, there's so many things that you can negotiate beyond your salary beyond your starting salary. And, and when you when you take an active role in negotiating that it helps you grow your satisfaction, your lifetime earnings, and it gives you seen as leadership material, you can also use proven research back strategies. And that's what I'm going to walk you through today to negotiate and quote unquote, virtually eliminate gender backlash. That is a quote, direct quote from research done at Georgetown University. Consider this, the average negotiation is 25 days, we like to think Oh, it's just like once in a while we just haggle over the price. No, the negotiation is a process and there are very specific mental Prime's and all that means is reminders ahead of negotiating. So for everyone here who wants to be able to better talk about their goals, be able to negotiate for a promotion. And for a raise, I want to I want to walk you through exactly what these two mental prizes are. Okay, number one, before you advocate for yourself, remind yourself of the three times you did advocate for yourself or advocated for anything, you went to bat and you really like stood your ground. And then the second mental prime is prepare or advocate as if you are going to bat for your best friend. And I know so many of us, particularly women, we we love to go to bat for our spouse, our loved ones our pet dog or pet ferret or child or our community, our team, we love to just like you know, bring that Mama Bear energy, right? And so we're going to use that you're going to leverage that skill on your behalf. Ride or Die for everyone but myself. Right? Okay. So, you know, what does that say? It means that you have the skill to be like you have you have the meta skill to be like Ride or Die for someone, right? So we're going to use that for you just pretend you're doing it for someone else. And so I'm going to come back to this point. Okay. But I just want to share with you based on these facts based on these research, evidence and social Science, my coaching philosophy is that when you negotiate for yourself, it is an act of putting your own crown on owning yourself sovereignty becoming the CEO of your career. Self Advocacy is an act of service. And here's what I mean, when you do this, well, people will thank you. It might be a little bit awkward in the beginning, but eventually, you'll be surprised every single one of my clients who have applied this framework, they get thanked by their bosses, they're like, you know, really appreciate how you brought this up. And, yeah, I'm gonna take this, I'm going to consider this I'm going to, you know, have a chat with the CFO or the CXO. Because you frame the ask as a benefit, not just for you, but for the employer, your boss, the team, the company. Yes. Emily says that's exactly what happened to her. She was thanked for putting herself forward. Yes, yes. Awesome. And we, I'm so glad to hear that. Yes, you're offering a solution. Beautiful. Okay. And also, negotiation process happens before, during, and beyond the review. Okay. So, sometimes clients think sometimes women think, Oh, the annual I am gonna wait, I gotta wait until the review, to talk about my wins and what I want. And waiting is not a strategy. So, you know, it might sound like I am contradicting myself, because here we are talking about how to ace your annual review, right. And if this is new to you, I want you to consider, you're not behind. If you haven't started to advocate or initiate conversations about how you are adding value and what you do want, it doesn't mean that you're doing it wrong, I just want you to consider this upcoming review, if you haven't had it yet, is a great opportunity for you to set yourself up for success for what is possible three to six months from now. And that's because there is lead time. There is a process, right? Remember, Harvard Business Review, it was Harvard University, I said the average negotiation takes 25 days. And sometimes it depends on the size of your organization, if you work in a very big multinational organization, and there's a matrix of decision making. There's like lots of people who have to be involved to make the decision on who gets promoted when and how you have to be patient to work yourself through that process. And the annual review may be the time where you start to initiate that process, you let them know you have that interest. And now we're going to get curious, find out what that process is like, and then you're going to walk yourself through that process. Okay, so you're not behind. But if you have already had conversations with your boss, decision makers about what you do want and how you are adding value. Amazing, you've set yourself up for even greater success. Right. That's great. And also, let's let's, you know, let's, what's the what's, how do I want to say this? If you get any sort of pushback, it's not a sign that you failed. It's a sign. You get curious, not furious. All right. Okay. So with that said, I want to walk everyone through this really simple exercise that I came up with it is a combination of the power pose, and peripheral vision. And this is something that you can do anytime it particularly I recommend ahead of high stakes conversations. So I'm going to stop my share. And I'm going to encourage folks who are here to join me, okay. I want to encourage everyone to get up. Yeah, let's get up. And if you if you're not in a place where you can get up and do this exercise, that's okay. You can still follow along. What you're going to do is you're going to stand with your feet slightly wider than your hips distance, so that you... have to engage your core almost like a yoga pose, right? And then you're going to let your heart rise. Yeah. I study dancing and we... this is like your heart is shining. Yeah. And then you put your hands on your hips. like Wonder Woman, standing tall taking up space. Professor Amy Cuddy at Harvard says, when people take this pose two minutes ahead of high stakes conversation, what they do is they reduce their cortisol stress hormone and increase testosterone, which is associated with assertiveness and risk taking. So in other words, you become a little bit more calm, you become a little bit more confident. But in case you're not in a place where you can get up, or if you want to turbocharge this, right, you want to, you really want to be able to quiet the chatter in your mind. Now, we're going to add peripheral vision. Okay, here's what I'm going to ask you to do, I'm going to ask you to look away from me, look away from the screen, pick a spot in the room that is just pleasant to look at. And fix your gaze on it. And just notice what that's like to just fix your gaze on that one spot. And then soften or diffuse your focus. And without moving your eyes, simply shift your awareness to the periphery of your vision. And because I wear glasses, I immediately become aware of the fuzzy outsides of my glass rings. And also the two walls beside me. And clients tell me, they start to notice the ambient noise in the room, I start to feel the fabric of my outfit on my skin. And then as you do that, now, again, without moving your eyes, simply imagine that you can shift your awareness and extended beyond those two walls. Maybe outside your building outside the street. And notice what that's like. For me, I just gained a sense of like expansiveness. We continue to expand that awareness, almost as if we can feel the energy of this space behind you. Awesome, I'm going to trust that you all did this with me. And I'd love to know what was that? Like for you? What? What came up? What did you notice happened? For me, I just noticed, like I just the mind chatter quieted down and it just felt a little bit more grounded. What was that like for you? Let me know. In the chat Yeah, it relaxed you. Yeah. Slow down, becoming more aware. Right. And I really liked this practice. Because when we go to advocate, yeah, changed your mood, right? It shifted your brain state. Right? Just notice how powerful you are. You're able to change your brain state, your mood, your your level of stress, relaxation in just about a minute. Right. And I what I was saying was I liked that practice, because it calms you down. And we want to be able to go into the negotiation, feeling more calm, grounded. And here's another thing that I have learned about negotiating. Sometimes when we are negotiating, yeah, sometimes people don't agree. So people don't see eye to eye immediately. And it's easy to get riled up and like, your voice goes up and like people's, you know, emotions are running high. But when emotions are running high, intelligence is low. Right. And according to Dr. Andrew Huberman at Stanford, I don't know if you've listened to Huberman lab, it's a great podcast. What he says is, you might want to intentionally lower your voice frequency, kind of like what I'm doing right now. And what happens is that the listener, they can't help it. What it does is when they're listening to you talk like this, you know, in a lower, calm, relaxed frequency, neurons fire in their brain, and they fire at a matching low frequency. It's like they can't help it. They just, they become entrained to this calmer, this calming effect. Right? And when we're more calm, we're able to see more. Yeah, you're calm, right? You're able to see more of a bigger perspective, you're able to be more creative, you're able to be more objective. Right? Right. So try that and let me know how that goes. Okay, so mindful of the time I want to walk us through this real fast. All right. So the three circle model, let's come back to when you advocate for yourself when you talk about the goals that you have achieved. And what you want for yourself, right, here are the three key things that you want to make sure you are addressing. Number one, the value you offer, and the value you offer is so much more vaster than your past accomplishments, your strengths, your skills, it also encompasses includes your future potential, the value you can add, right. And I just want to say the value you offer is is not about your self worth, it is not about your, your personal value, it is all about your professional value, right? Through your accomplishment, accomplishments, through your diligence through your work and your ideas. And from there, you also want to talk about what is the future vision that you have, right? When we are talking about the growth that you want the promotion, the raise, you want to say, hey, I have ideas, I have a plan, I have a vision for how I can lead our team as director as senior director as VP, how I can lead us to achieve a greater level of success. And you want to make sure that you are in alignment with the decision makers. And yes, I know it can be a little tricky if you don't really like your boss, if you don't agree with your boss. But at the end of the day, every organization, every company, even nonprofits, is about raising money, right? Either raising money or increasing revenue, saving money, saving time, right? And delighting your end users, your customers, your stakeholders. So you want to tell them what you can and what you are willing to do in the future to drive future growth. We know that there. There is research that says that women tend to be rewarded for past accomplishments and not necessarily future potential. So we're going to turn that around, we're going to take agency, we're going to take action to make sure we are articulating that future vision. And then from there, you make that specific request that is measurable, actionable, it's relevant, and let's make it time bound. Let's make it make this make that ask really, really specific, not just like, Hey, can I be promoted? But how? How can we work together so that we can put my promotion packet, you know, to be reviewed by the committee? next quarter? Right? Very specific. So what happens if you don't have that sweet spot where all these three things are overlap? What happens? So let's go to number one, let's say you talked about how you have achieved those goals. And you talked about the ideas you have for the future growth, but you neglected to make a specific request. That's, that's when you might hear this feedback. Great. You're doing good, keep going. And there's no follow up action from the decision maker, because you didn't make a request. Chester Karass says, if you will, the quote is you don't get what you deserve. You get what you negotiate for. You don't get what you deserve, you get what you asked for. Okay, so now let's go to number two, let's say you talked about the future vision. And you did make a specific request, please, you know, how can we work together to have this promotion material reviewed by the committee next quarter, but you didn't talk about the value you offer, or how you have achieved milestones in the past, then that's when you might hear, you still need to prove yourself, because you haven't yet claim credit for the value you've already added. And then finally, let's say you talked about the value you offer. You talked about your specific request, but you didn't talk about future vision. This is something that I have seen over and over again, where you sort of approach us sort of approach the review, or self advocacy, almost like a check the box exercise. That's when you might hear. That's great, but you're not ready yet. Because you haven't yet articulated how the org will benefit from what you have to offer from what you are asking. So I'm curious, I'm curious, for those of you who are joining us live Have you ever heard Have you ever received any of these feedback pushed back? Yeah, I'm curious what comes up for you? Were Oh, yes. Yeah, okay. Yeah, not really. And sometimes it can be tricky to really understand or to really be in alignment with what, what is most important what the decision makers are prioritizing. And sometimes the problem can be like, you're not even talking with the decision maker because your boss is your manager, but they don't really decide who gets promoted and better paid. Okay, so I want to talk about how to really take stock of your contribution. So you can talk about what you have done, feeling good about the value you're bringing, we have a tendency, we have a tendency to fixate on what just got done or what haven't yet got done. So indulge me in this metaphor, I want you to think about your professional valued, like it's this delicious slice of green tea roll cake. And we have a tendency, especially when we're so driven and ambitious and type A, we have a tendency to fixate on this blueberry jam middle. And we miss out on all of this spongy, delicious, sweet goodness, that is the cake and the frosting and the and the little thing on top. Yeah. So I want you I want you to think about what got done. And I do I do want you to make a list for sure. Right? But don't stop there. We want to think about, okay, who benefited? Who benefited from what I have done? What were the immediate benefits, when people are like, Okay, this newsletter is done, it's sent out, or this project is completed on time. Love it, maybe the manager maybe end user benefit immediately, but now go beyond into the future. Who else benefits to company shareholders benefit? Does the industry benefit? Does the environment benefit from what you are getting done? Okay. So, I want to okay, I want to do this first. Okay, let's do this. So I want to give everyone some time to literally make a list right now. What have you got done this year so far, that you're proud of? How have your team, your clients and users of the prod product or the project you work on? How have been benefited from that? Yeah. And feel free to type some of these right into the chat box. We're going to we're going to brainstorm together right now. I know that there are folks here who told me that they're getting the feedback that there's you know, they're unicorns that are so valuable in the workplace. So now I want you to think about, okay, what is it that I am doing or have gotten done? That benefits that really helps our team? Help help our team to achieve the goals they want? Yes, there will be a replay it is being recorded. Yes. So right now, we're brainstorming. What did you get done this year that you're proud of? Why is there Why Why am I hearing crickets in the chat? This is an opportunity for you to really, really, you know, take stock of what you have gotten done. Did you complete projects on time? Did you publish a white paper that got circulated? Whoa, pull the campaign out of the fire. Wow. Keeping to your goals executing you inaugural events. Amazing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, exactly. Alison says she feels like her work doesn't have an impact or she doesn't see it hard to think of things. Okay. So Allison. I'm just going to ask you, what do you do? what what do you get done? On a daily basis, you show up on time you do your work? What is it that you do? I know a little bit about you. But I want you to think about that. You you contribute to a project. Yes. Now when you really think about when you contribute to that project, what's the next thing that happens? Because you contributed to that project? Yeah. Yes, you have typically saved the company money since they can come to me with multiple projects instead of outsourcing. Yeah, it is extremely valuable. Right. And, and when you create this video videos, and images, where does it go? Who sees these videos and images? Is it end users? Is it clients? Is it the wide public? Amazing, Julia says, I've been able to keep staff in a healthy mindset, even during the aftermath of COVID that we're feeling right now. Yeah. And I want you to think about that, you're able to maintain a healthy mindset. You know, for your staff. It might be intangible, but that intangible benefit has a tangible outcome. Because again, remember, when companies are able to retain employees, like skilled, engaged employees, they're saving, they're saving up to 200% of those employees' salaries, right, so you are contributing to employee retention, which is very important to the organization. Now, I'm not saying -- Joanna says, I, it's hard to see it as something above and beyond. And notice, my question is, I'm not asking you, what did you do above and beyond? I just want you to make a list. I just, make a list of the things that you're doing in your job description. Yeah, that's it. That's all I'm asking you to do. And it's okay. If it doesn't feel like amazing right now. Right. And it doesn't have to be like, above and beyond. I just want us to be able to see your current accomplishments from a broader from a wider perspective. Yes, I go in I, you know, I heard in the, you know, the, the reports... I'll tell you my story, I once worked as a hedge fund analyst, and had zero background in financial analysis, I didn't have a math background. But I was able to speak three languages. I was born in South Korea, and I studied Japanese. And obviously, I speak English. And I didn't really use my language skills on the job that much. Like most of the time, I was reading all these different news articles and try to inform the trading desk inform the traders about upcoming events. That wasn't what I was mostly doing. But it was so fascinating, because we we don't have we don't always have an objective perspective of our professional value. It doesn't always have to do with how we feel about it, and doesn't always have to do with, you know, what other people say or how they compliment us. And here's what I mean by that. I once heard one of the traders comment, you know, because we have Jamie, on our trading desk, we're able to tell our investors that we we have, we're covering the news and world events, the three different languages real time, right? I know it's kind of strange, because I wasn't really doing a lot of it. But by me just being there, there was a lot of value that the fund the hedge fund was gaining, because they were able to tell their, their investors that they have somebody who can speak three languages. Yeah. And so it's like, we want to be a little bit more analytical, we want to be a little bit more objective. Thinking about okay, yeah, I'm bringing these language skills. And sure immediate benefit, like I, you know, I can tell you that's Japanese and that's Korean, but no big deal. But then, it wasn't until I was able to see that bigger beyond perspective. Right. That has nothing to do with how I feel Like, Oh, they're able to tell shareholders that we have this coverage. And that's that's a good differentiator that sets this fund apart from the rest. Yeah. Okay, so I'm going to read some of the comments here. I've brought in new and fresh, diverse voices and creativity into events that have allowed more visibility expanded, reach into getting more business, love it. Working in nonprofit environment, and being able to collaborate with other nonprofits and the most important for, for profit organizations to be able to support our clients. So good. I just remembered I made a bunch of donors cry with my video editing. That seemed like yes, it is. So think about that, Allison. It's like, yes, you're getting done video Creation, editing, right? And the immediate benefit, okay, video gets made. So what? But the So what is when you think about what is the impact it has on donors is that they're moved. There moved to tears, they're moved to action, they're moved, they're inspired. Okay, that is a great one. So we want to get, think from a much bigger beyond perspective. Okay, amazing. So let's talk about what do we say? What do we say? Okay, so here's a very specific language that I want to suggest, take what feels good for you leave behind what doesn't resonate, feel free to rewrite reinvent this so that it really feels good for you, right, it feels authentic for you. And I had a client who, who I walked her through this framework, and we worked together for several months to help her get to get to a place where she can get promoted. Again, she just gotten promoted a year ago. But what had happened was, her payband didn't change. Right. So she wasn't, even though her title change her, she wasn't eligible for a bigger pay raise. And so we made a plan of identifying the key decision maker, which turned out not to be her direct boss, but the CFO. And then I'd walked her through this framework, and she said, you know, what I'm going to do is I'm going to put together a document, a one pager, so that when I have the meeting with the CFO, she knows what I'm talking about, she's clear on my value, right? And she's clear on the ideas and the future vision I have, and the very specific requests I'm making. And you're some of the language that my client and I co created that I want to share with you. So you're going to start with, Hey, here's what I'm offering here, right? The value, which includes past accomplishments, excuse the typo, there should be past accomplishments here, I mean, a value you offer, sorry. So you're going to start with here's what I'm offering. I'm offering you skills, strengths, you know, the track record of creating something that moves our donors into action that inspires people. And let me bring you up to speed on the progress I've made. I'm, what I'm doing is I'm bringing in new and fresh, diverse voices and creativity into events that allowed us to grow our visibility, and grow our reach into getting more business. I'm playing with some of the language that you've shared with me here, as you can see, and you could also share, you know, when you talk about your value, the value that you're offering, you could say, I'm going to borrow Julia's example, I'm responsible for collaborating with other nonprofits in a way so that we can grow the support that we receive from pork for profit organizations, so that we we become better resource to do the work that we do. And from there, you want to connect the dots between what you are accomplishing and what the decision maker most cares about. So before I go there, I'm just curious. What do you think your decision maker most cares about? If you have an idea who the decision maker is, what do you think they most care about? And right off the bat? We already know most decision makers, they care about increasing revenue, reducing costs and some decision decision makers care about. Yes, generating more business opportunities, increasing the visibility of the organization. Some Yes, exactly as a nonprofit making where the funding is coming? That's right, Julian exactly right. And then from there, you want to make sure that the future vision, the ideas that you're offering addresses, either more business opportunities, creating more business opportunities, or if you are nonprofit, ensuring that funding is coming. Right, ensuring greater funding for the nonprofit. Yes. retaining good team environment. Yes. That yes, you know, they must care about making sure the culture is something that is really healthy and positive. So with that in mind, from there, you brainstorm, okay, what, what are some ideas I have? What are some ideas I have for generating more business opportunities, making sure the funding is coming, or retaining a good team environment? Yeah. One, once you generate those ideas, that's when you share directly with the decision makers. Here's some additional areas that I can provide value on. I have ideas on how we can meet and exceed our goals faster. And you could also say, in this, this particular capacity in the director role, you know, I'll take the lead on Project X so that we can do Y and Z. Take, for example, gross shareholder value. Okay. And then from there, now you're set up for asking this key question. From there. This key question is, you might want to write this down. Would you agree I'm adding value? All right here? Key Question. Yes. Would you agree? I'm adding? See? No worries, it's fine, Erica. So here's what I'm suggesting. And I'll walk you through it one more time, so that you can really see it all together, you start from, you know, articulating the value have added that you are offering right now. And then you connect the dots between what you're accomplishing and what they most care about by offering suggestions, ideas. And then you're like, and then you ask, would you agree I'm adding value? And they're gonna be like, Heck, yeah. Right. And now you're set yourself up for a double buy in, right, you're going to ask, you're going to follow that up with a specific request. And because they've already agreed that you're adding value, they're more likely to be on your side. Okay. So I think we've already sort of addressed this. So let's move on. Okay. So here's, here's where I put it all together, like all of a sample language, the framework, right? You start by articulating your value, then you paint the future vision, then you ask, would you agree I'm adding value? And they say, Yes, keep it up? And if for whatever reason, they say, No, that means that you know, these two, the first two parts you missed, you missed the, the key, the key thing, which is what are they most care about? Or, or there is misalignment on what is most valuable for this organization? It's hardly ever happens. But if it does, if they say, No, you're not adding value, I would want to know as soon as possible so that I can make a change. Right? So no, is not a sign that something has gone wrong. No is like, okay, great, good to know, let's, let's get realigned. What can I do? What needs to change so that we are aligned on what adds value? Right. But again, like I said, about 100% of the time when my clients implement this framework, they get, yeah, keep it up, you're doing great. And then you say, I'm glad you agree. And that's why I like to ask for. And here are some examples, your support and my promotion to director. With this promotion, I'd be better equipped to take the lead in XY and Z so that we can, you know, do do more and be more amazing as a cohesive unit. And I like to ask for your thoughts on the job description I rewrote for myself. Right? It's in this the second example, the second bullet point, I'm giving you an example of somebody who wants to rework what they do, right? So you can negotiate your job description. And you substantiate that by saying, this way, I'll be able to leverage my strength and deliver more value. And, and if they say anything, You know, if they say that's great if they say no, not right now they say, well, that's great, but I still need to talk to somebody, then you ask more open ended questions. You get curious. Not furious. All right. So Julia says having your value and everything planned out before really helps out to get to that final request. Yes. And, and I just want to assure you, like taking this one step at a time approach, and the key thing that I want to stress is like really making sure that you understand that you get curious So let's summarize. You can enter patterns of avoiding appeasing attacking, take stock of your wins, right? And you want to go outside, like think outside the box, like how does ahead of this conversation about what they must care about. And that benefit other people, even if, you know, I have different emotions about it? If we were to see it from a broader different perspective, did you get strategic you make it easier for sometimes there are different, you know, factors, right, that the decision maker to say, yes, self advocacy when you do it? Well, like this is an act of service, you will help you be seen and as a leader and get promoted, and you want to get contribute. Are you talking to the decision maker, right? Is curious, not furious. Practice peripheral vision. If you do get furious, take a deep breath, build muscle for creative problem solving. And I know we're almost at time, but if there a disagreement between the person that you're talking with anyone has any other questions before we wrap up, I'll answer them. And I also want to share, if you want to book a free one on one consultation with me and want to see how you can be and the actual decision maker, right? These are all different supported to achieve the results that you want in your career. You can book your free consultation by going to this link. I also have a free podcast. I will also be sending you the free resources 50 Plus things you can negotiate as well things that you want to you want to patiently, curiously as that book of negotiation scripts so that you have everything that you can use to to really set yourself up for investigate ahead of, you know, this, this particular success as much as possible. And if you want one on one support, here's the link. I will put it into the chat as well. You're so welcome, Julia. Margaret, I appreciate you. All right. Would conversation that you're seeing on your screen right now, okay. you like to dive deeper? Come on over to Jamie Lee coach.com JAMIELECOA ch.com. You'll get your free ebook How to ask for a big pay raise and get on the list so you don't miss out on All right. So let's move on. more tips, scripts and invites from yours truly talk soon.