Negotiate Your Career Growth

Guts and Heart: The Dance of Negotiation

December 15, 2023 Jamie Lee Episode 48
Negotiate Your Career Growth
Guts and Heart: The Dance of Negotiation
Show Notes Transcript

Rewind to 8 years ago. In 2015, I joined New York Toastmasters to improve my public speaking skills, and the dream of becoming an executive coach helping women become bolder, braver, and better paid was just a glint in my eye (

As a newbie, I prepared a 7 minute speech on aligning your "guts" (mindset), "eyes" (vision), and "heart" (emotions and listening skills), with partner dance as a metaphor for productive negotiation. (Watch it here:

Everything I shared in the speech is now integral to my coaching philosophy. 

It's been nearly 8 years and I've coached hundreds of women all around the map and helped them negotiate $3MM+ in pay. 

What you'll learn: 

  • What the "Fresh Start Effect" is and how to leverage it for motivation 
  • Why it's important to think about value from the negotiation counterpart's perspective, and how to do it 
  • What mastery is really about, and how the most simple, basic things can help you achieve it 

As an executive coach for women, I'm super passionate about helping smart women who hate office politics get promoted and better paid. 

I do this through my unique combination of: 

  • Self-directed neuroplasticity tools backed by science 
  • Negotiation strategies proven to work for women by academic research 
  • Intersectional feminist lens that honors women’s real, lived experiences 

To learn about my 1:1 coaching series and to book your free hour-long consultation with me, click here:

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Welcome to negotiate your career growth. I'm Jamie Lee and I teach you how to blend the best of negotiation strategies with feminist coaching. So you get promoted and better paid without burning bridges or burning out in the process. Let's get started. 

Where would you love to be 10 years from now in your life and career. I'm recording this in mid December 2023. And this is around the time of the year, people start anticipating and planning for the Fresh Start effect. 

Fresh Start effect is a behavioral science term that describes how people are more likely to engage in goal directed behavior and exhibit increased motivation, we just feel more motivated, it feels more possible to achieve goals to set new resolutions and keep them because we perceive the beginning of a new time period and it's coming right the calendar is changing in a matter of days. And it's gonna go from year 2023 to 2024. A fresh start is happening in our minds. And that boosts our motivation, and our anticipation for achieving goals. And which is great. I love it. So let's leverage it. 

But actually, let's go beyond the one year mark. I want to ask you again, where would you love to be in your career in your life 10 years from now, what feels impossible, what's the change that you really want to make happen whether that is a promotion, whether that is greater financial abundance, whether that is growing your family and seeing them succeed and do well, whether that is moving to a different country, whether that is completely pivoting in your career, or even starting a business on your own. It feels like we can get so much done in a year's time. But we grossly underestimate the change the how much is possible in 10 years time. 

The reason why I've been thinking about this is because recently I stumbled upon a video that I uploaded to YouTube eight years ago, and I'm going to link to it in the show notes. So you can watch the video. This video is me delivering a Toastmasters speech on negotiation. Eight years ago, almost 10 years ago. Back then, in 2015, I had just joined New York Toastmasters to improve my public speaking skills as well as overall confidence. And the dream of working as an executive coach helping women become bolder, braver, better paid was really just the glint in my eye. It was a dream. And it felt kind of hard and impossible. But I knew I really wanted to do it. 

And back in 2015, eight years ago, you know, I was wracked with a lot of self doubt and self consciousness. And in fact, after I uploaded the replay, I sort of winced at it. And I like, didn't want to think about it. And that's why when I stumbled upon it in 2023, was almost like, it was almost like a surprise, a shock, like, wow, this is pretty good. And, in fact, everything that I shared in that speech, that seven minute speech eight years ago, is still integral to my coaching philosophy. The ideas were sort of rough around the edges, but the core idea was already there. And that's what shocked me when I watched it. And since then, since 2015, I've coached hundreds of women all around the map across different sectors, life sciences, medicine, finance, tech, nonprofit, and I've helped them negotiate incrementally $3 million in pay, and more. And again, I'm gonna link to the video in the show notes. So you can watch it from the beginning to the end, if you would like. 

But here's the executive summary of that speech. I was making. I was delivering a metaphor I was talking about negotiation as a partner dance, right? When you negotiate with a partner, you engage in dance, it's not really a fight. It's not really about manipulation or confrontation. That's really bargaining. That's, that's, that's something different but when you are engaged in mutual benefit negotiation It's more of a partner dance. And when you're quote unquote dancing with a partner, your body must be aligned. And so I talked about how you want to align your guts, which is again, a metaphor for the subconscious mind, your eyes, you want to paint a vision of mutual success, you want to make the vision the the picture of the valley you have added, and your future potential in, in very specific language in specific information, data points, evidence that makes it vivid in your partner's eyes, right? You want to, you want to communicate the value in a way that they can see that they can perceive and understand. 

And then there is also the metaphor of the heart, the container of human emotions, but I was also talking about how to engage in active listening, right? And being curious, to build trust and to ask strategic questions. So fundamentally, the things that the key points that I was delivering in the speech, again, I still believe in them, that's why I now teach my clients self directed neuroplasticity tools to help them strengthen, help them be able to shift their subconscious mind, if there is any anxiety or concern about advocating for their value. And also, I help my clients clearly see, right there is the eyes to help help them clearly see the value they bring. 

Because I believe that as professional women, we are socialized, we are conditioned to be biased against our value. It's almost as if society and in the culture that we operate in, they create this effect of like, a smudged spectacle, like we we see our own value through a filter of smudgy glasses, that's my metaphor for that. And so I help my clients, let's take these glasses off, let's clean them so that we can see more objectively, we can see clearly the value that we bring the impact of our contributions, and also the value that we're offering the negotiation partner, just the other day, I was coaching a client who is not just negotiating for herself, but she's still negotiating on behalf of her company, a startup. And she's negotiating with a fortune five company, and she's negotiating the contract the terms with this fortune five company. And so, you know, in the preparation, she was thinking about how, hey, we're small startup, we need these terms, otherwise, we're gonna get wiped out. And I just helped her see, I just shifted her mindset to think about, okay, if they're talking with you, they still, they still have something they want from you, if they're still engaged in this negotiation, even though you're a small startup, and you need the cash flow, you still have leverage, there is value that this fortune five, five company is gaining from you. And so let's think more strategically, let's see that value a little bit more clearly, from their perspective, right. And then when she thought about it that way, she realized, yeah, there's there's something that they have to lose, right, the other side, is not willing to lose that they want. The startup still has leverage in this negotiation. And that helped her be able to frame the conversation from a position of strength.

So the reason why I wanted to revisit this speech and the topics the metaphor of the body, right, the guts, the subconscious mind, the eyes, painting that vision, seeing it really clearly for ourselves and understanding how the value is perceived by the other side. And also, you know, bringing heart you know, courage, conviction, the willingness to be curious, the willingness to ask daring questions, right? The heart to the negotiation. The reason why I wanted to revisit all of it is because, you know, lately I have been taking actual partner dance classes. 

I've been taking Brazilian Zouk dance classes for the past six months of this year and The more I learned the turns and the flips and the twists and fancy moves, the more I realize how the very fundamental steps the fundamental body posture and basic steps, how they are integral crucial to be successful to a graceful to a really fun, partner dance. And I think that applies. It's, again, a metaphor for negotiation, sometimes these basic things about how do we, you know, how do we see ourselves? How are you feeling? are we aligned both subconsciously and consciously? Are we bringing competence? Are we seeing our own value? And are we able to see their perspective so that we can bring heart and ask the daring questions? Right, the fundamental things, is what really deepens your negotiation mastery. 

And so, I want to leave you with thinking about, you know, again, where do I want to be 10 years from now? And how would achieving mastery on these very fundamental, it almost seems so basic, because everyone talks about mindset, and, you know, value, but at the same time, are we really understanding it? Are we going into the depth of this and understanding the nuances of how to approach a negotiation with confident mindset, as well as understanding and clearly seeing the value of, of what we're bringing, and what the counterpart is seeing? So with that, said, I, you know, I want to invite you to think about what could be possible for you, if you, you know, achieved a deeper level of mastery on these fundamental things, fundamental steps, if you will. And just imagine for yourself that the big goals that you want to achieve a decade from now, the big life that you want to live 10 years from now, the house that you want to have the partnerships and the friendships and the adventures that you want to have, can be made possible by your willingness to go even one step deeper. I mentioned I been taken. I've been taking dance classes for the six months. And I even went to a festival earlier this month, but just last night, I went back to level one class, I went back to level one class, to review one more time, the most fundamental step in the dance. And it made me realize, oh, yeah, even if it seems really basic, so simple. At surface, there are there are so many more layers and depth to this. And there's so much more I can still learn. So with that, I wish you for 2020 For a great success, a year of going even deeper into your negotiation mastery, because I know that it is crucial that it is integral to helping you achieve the career growth, the satisfaction that you want in your life, and you continue to go deeper, you can achieve amazing things that things that even feel impossible things that feel almost like it's just a dream or a mirage. You know, 10 years from now, I encourage you to play the long game. Would you like to dive deeper? Come on over to Jamie Lee You'll get your free ebook, How To ask for a big pay raise and get on the list so you don't miss out on more tips, scripts and invites from yours truly talk soon.