Practical Neuroscience for Negotiation Confidence

Jamie Lee: Hello! 

In this workshop recording, you're going to learn 

• Why self advocacy is an act of service, and how you can use that as a winning negotiation strategy, especially if you're a woman or a person socialized as a woman 
• Why you want to make your requests very specific and actionable, with a client case study example 
• Why women and underrepresented professionals feel anxious when it comes to asking for what we want 
• And three simple, immediately actionable techniques that leverage the human brain’s neuroplasticity — or the ability to interrupt old patterns and create new neural pathways for thinking, feeling and behaving -- so you can confidently make specific and actionable requests that serve your growth 

We had some amazing participants in this workshop, and I encourage you to listen and follow along as if you're in the workshop. 

And of course, if you want to dive deeper with me so you can start to feel more calm, confident and grounded as you navigate and negotiate your career growth, you’re invited to book your free 1:1 consultation with me today. the link is in the show notes. 

Enjoy the workshop! 

Jamie Lee:
Self-advocacy. When you speak up for you, and again, self-advocacy is simply communicating what you want and how it can help other people achieve their wins. Self-advocacy, therefore is an act of service. As women, we have been socialized, we have been conditioned by this society to think that when we speak up for ourselves, it will be seen as aggressive, greedy, selfish. We have been conditioned to think that self-advocacy and negotiating for what we want is a male attribute. That is a, that is sort of goes against the grain of what it means to be a woman, or a person socialized as a woman. And I wanna just turn that on its head because when you think about it, when you think about what I just shared with you, what the research shows, right?

The best way to negotiate, to advocate for you is to tell them how it's all about them, how it helps them. How you taking on that, the presentation, how you getting, um, some, uh, budget to hire a contractor? This, I'm, I'm just thinking about some of the things that my clients have advocated for. I just coached a client who's gonna become president over organization's, a family business, she was VP and now they're, they're executing the succession plan, so gonna become president and she's gonna work alongside her father, who's the c e O. And at the end of the day, it is also about helping the organization so that they know exactly who's going to be in charge. They know that the company is in good hands, they know that there is a succession plan, and that helps them, helps the organization continue to thrive. So when you think about your self-advocacy and, and just a little bit, we're gonna dive right into the workshop portion.

And here's the, here's the key thing. I want you to think about. What is one specific, one very, very specific and actionable request that I can make, right? And I want you to, I'm willing, keep that in mind. We're gonna workshop that so that you can do it with less anxiety. And keep in mind that when you advocate for yourself in this very specific and actionable way, you will inform decision making, right? When my clients advocate for their promotion, their raise, often their bosses say, "Thank you. That helped me make my decision so much easier. That helped us make a decision," right? And making decisions is work <laugh>. So if you help them make a decision, a better decision, a better informed decision, you've helped make your boss's jobs easier. And also when you advocate for yourself in this way, you will inspire action. And I know some of you are managers, directors, right?

VPs, and when you are, uh, leading a group of people, how you advocate for you also inspires action. We want people to follow our lead, right? Uh, take for example, I have a client who, um, decided that she's going to give herself the, the luxury of taking a whole week off without worrying about work, without worrying about any, uh, or sort of agenda, nonpersonal agenda. She's just gonna let herself really luxuriate in that time off. And I asked her, ok, well how does that serve the people you are managing? What will you be modeling for them? And she's gonna be modeling for them that it's okay, it's okay for them to prioritize themselves as well. It's okay for them to take time off. It's okay for them to come back to work feeling more restored, more calm, more rested. And so when you do this, I think the sum of the action is that you instill confidence in the people who look up to you, report to you.

You inspire confidence in the people who are looking to hire you to work with you. How you advocate for yourself is an act of service. So I want you to think about what is that one very specific and actionable request that I would want to make? It could be anything, right? It could be time off, it could be a promotion, it could be extra resources, or it could be, I dunno, collaboration. It could be something like, I wanna be assigned to do this particular task, right? It could be anything. But when you think about that, I want you to consider what is the mindset of, yeah, this is the an act of service. Yes, of course it's gonna serve me, but serving me the agent of change, the, the person creates value that also serves the other side, also serves the organization. So with that in mind, we wanna, we wanna get a little curious as to what's happening that has this feeling so anxious to speak up and advocate. And I think this, the answer is really simple, or maybe this is kind of reductive, but at the end of the day, it's gender socialization and the effect of having a human brain.

I mentioned the socialization at the beginning of this call, and in fact, I just learned about this, uh, really fascinating research that academics, uh, researchers, academic researchers have done. And they, what they did was they studied, they coded what kind of toys do boys get at a very young age? What kind of toys do girls get at a very young age? It's called toy coding. And when they analyze, when they study the toys that young children receive, it's almost always has or has been sort of binary. Of course, they're non-binary toys too. But for the sake of this conversation, what they have found is that boys tend to receive toys that encourage seeing their environment as within their control. Whereas girls, they receive toys that encourage them to see that they're at effect of their environment. And so think about what that, what, what kind of impact that has on your negotiating brain.

And you would think, well, almost unconsciously, right? Because all of that programming goes into your unconscious mind. You're not even thinking about it consciously. You're like, I feel like my boss has to give me clarity. I think somebody else should be assigning the task, right? Where, whereas you could be like, no, I'm the person who gets to define what clarity is how I want to define my role. Do you see that distinction? And so this is what we're up against and it's, it's when it went straight into our limbic brain, the part of our brain that is emotional, that is, um, more close to the primitive part of our brains. And so it makes sense that for many of us, and I see you're, we're all women here. I I presume some of us <laugh>, um, I don't know what your gender identification is, but I assume most of us have been socialized as women.
And so when this happens, of course we feel frozen, of course we feel a little worried about what other people would think. And so what I want to encourage is let's become aware of this invisible context. Let's become aware of it and think about how we put a stop. How do we interrupt these unconscious patterns, unconscious, um, habits of second guessing ourselves, asking for less than what we actually want. Or not braving, asking for what we want in the first place. Yeah. Or hoping that somebody else will notice and do it for us. Totally guilty of it. Another negotiation scholar calls this tiara syndrome, right? Waiting for the tiara to arrive <laugh>. But I think of self-advocacy as reclaiming your self sovereignty. When you reclaim your self sovereignty. It's like, no, my crown, my head, my terms.

Hey, is there a reorg at my organization? Are people unclear about what my role is? Okay, let's speak up. Let me, let me make a very specific and actionable request about what I would want my role to be. And I know those types of self-advocacy, those types of conversation have a huge impact on how satisfied you are in your own career.
With that said, now let's put this into practice. Everyone here, I want you to think again about something very specific and actionable that you would like to ask for. If you don't have a work thing, it's okay if you wanna advocate for yourself outside, outside of the professional arena. I want, I just want you to make that as really clear in your mind, who would I need to have a conversation with? What is something very specific and actionable that I would like to ask for?

Let me give you just one more story of clients of mine. She engaged me and she was just feeling so frustrated because she felt like she couldn't get through to her boss. And she felt like, you know, she had trouble advocating for what she wanted. And I asked her, so what is the conversation that you've been having with your boss? And she said, well, I've been letting her know I would like to be promoted to senior manager. Okay, that's great. And, and what else did you ask her? She's like, well, I just assumed that's clear enough. That was very ambitious. That took a lot of courage for me to ask her and felt really uncomfortable. But I, I let her know I would like to become senior manager. I'm like, okay, but the manager didn't take action. And it could be for many reasons. Maybe that particular manager was overwhelmed, maybe that particular manager, you know, she heard it and she just let it out, the other, other ear.
But I just noticed she didn't make that ask Very specific and actionable. So specific and actionable. An example would be, I would like to be considered for senior manager role, and therefore, would you please, uh, send in a word for me? Would you please submit my name to the promotion committee? Right? And you could let her know. And I think this would help the organization because I bring skills that would help us achieve our goals.

So make it an act of service and also let her know very specifically, what is the actionable request. So with that said, now I want you to think about something, and I would like to hear from a volunteer if the, if the idea of approaching this particular person, this particular decision maker with your ask, has she feeling any bit of anxiety? Again, totally normal, right? But here's what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna walk you through these tools to create a pattern interrupt, right? So that you can redirect your mind and you can create a different emotional experience which fuels how you advocate for what you want. I hope that made sense. Thank you. All right. I love, I love the nodders. I appreciate you guys. Ladies.

Okay, so who wants to learn this with me? Yes, [redacted]. All right. Uh, I'm gonna ask you to unmute yourself. Hi, [redacted]. I'm getting thumps-up from the crowd as well. So, okay, maybe you can tell me, just in broad strokes, right? Um, what comes up for you? You don't have to go into too much detail, but tell me what is the image that your brain is offering when you think about making this request

Client 4:
That I'm asking too much. So it's

Jamie Lee:
Okay, I should, I should explain this to everyone before I proceed anymore, okay? This is something that I do intentionally in my coaching practice. I pause clients, right? Because the more we keep repeating the story about, oh, it's too much, whatever, right? We end up reinforcing the negative or the problem state, right? And, um, and also two things. One, everyone else follow along as if this is you. Okay?
And number two, I want you to listen very carefully to what I said. <affirmative>, my question to you is, what is the image, right? Our brains think in two ways. Our brains think in images and in words. So you just offered me the words I'm asking for too much. And so now tell me what is the image that your brain is seeing?

Client 4:
A wall.

Jamie Lee:
Okay. Interesting. Interesting. Okay. So, um, so what's happening here is that your almost like unconscious mind, your subconscious mind is offering a metaphor for what this feels like for you. This is great, we can work with this. So everyone else follow along and ask yourself, what is the metaphor my brain is offering me when I think about this? So [redacted], in order for this to change, and I want you to stay metaphorical, and I want you to imagine like this is a cartoon world, if anything can happen to that wall, what would need to change or what would need to happen to that wall?

Client 4:
It minimizes,

Jamie Lee:
Yeah,

Client 4:
It just becomes very small. So I can step over it.

Jamie Lee:
Oh, beautiful, beautiful. In fact, I maybe you were primed, maybe we're unconsciously primed by this <points to hand drawing with words "shrinking screen" on flipchart and laughs>. That was exactly what I was gonna show you. This is a tool, this is a technique called shrinking screen. And, um, I'd be happy to demo it one more time as well, but I love it.
Okay. So [redacted], with that request in mind, I want you to see that wall in your mind's eye. Now, I'm gonna ask you to close your eyes and just imagine that wall getting smaller and smaller and smaller. And also just see it getting further and further away because you are growing taller in relation to that wall. And now see yourself stepping over this tiny little hump on the ground. Excellent. I can see you're doing it really well. Can open your eyes. You have a specific actionable request that's reasonable, that's doable, you know, how would you like to feel when you make that request?

Client 4:
Strong. Yes and equal.

Jamie Lee:
Yes. And tell me, when you, when you feel strong and equal, how do you know that you're feeling strong and equal?

Client 4:
I feel safe enough to, yeah, I feel safe to speak what is in my mind rather than trying to, uh, change the, um, the words.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah, you feel safe. Okay, so now I'm gonna skip ahead and I'm gonna demonstrate with you this second technique that I've invented. I'm really happy with this invention. Would you mind getting up from your seat for this? I love it. All right? Yes. Okay. So [redacted], I'm gonna ask you to take the power pose. Are you familiar with the concept of power pose

Client 4:
Bit? Yeah. Like power pose, like we stand with the the legs bit apart and really strong stance.

Jamie Lee:
Yes. So I'm gonna show you my twist and just in case, uh, not everyone here is familiar. Power post is a concept, is a tool that, um, Amy Cuddy, Dr. Amy Cuddy at Harvard Business School created. And through research, she has found that when you take the power pose --- and everyone, you are everyone here on video and not on video, you are all welcome to follow along because practice makes perfect practice is what makes this really work for you. Okay? I love it. [redacted]'s getting up. Yeah. Maybe [redacted]'s already standing up. All right.

So you, you're gonna stand with your feet slightly wider than hips' distance, hips' width, right? Slightly wider. You're gonna engage the core. It's a little bit like yoga, right? And yes, just like [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted] and [redacted], we're going to put our hands on our hips, like Wonder Woman pose, right?

And the chin is high. Yeah. Yes. And now what Amy Cuddy found is that when you take this pose like this for two minutes ahead of a high stakes conversation, the net effect is that cortisol goes down, the stress hormone goes down, testosterone goes up, which is associated with risk taking, assertiveness confidence. And so the net effect is that you feel more calm, grounded.

And so here's my twist on it. As you hold this power pose and feel yourself being strong from the core, I want you to look away from the screen and take a look at something. Put your eyes on something that's a fixed focal point for you. And the reason why I'm asking you to do this is because we're all social animals. And we're social animals, we like to focus on people, right? And so now as you're keep your gaze on that, soften your gaze, and with the soft gaze, simply shift your awareness to the periphery of your vision.

And you might start to notice without looking for it, with two walls on your side, you might start to notice the ambient noise in the room. You might start to notice the feel of fabric on your skin. So as you maintain the soft gaze, now I'm gonna invite you to bring your awareness to the bottoms of your feet. And feel what it's like right there. The bottoms of your feet, grounded, supported as the floor rises to you from here. How you just imagine that roots are growing when the bottoms of your feet helping you be nourished, grounded, supported, right here, right now. Excellent.
Hi. So [redacted], what did you notice here?

Client 4:
A thought of calmness and safety. A feeling of really safe in myself and calm and just being in me

Jamie Lee:
Noticed nothing had to change except your physiology and your brain state to feel and notice that you are safe. You are safe here, and you are safe to advocate for what you want. You are safe to make a specific, actionable and doable request.

Client 4:
Yeah.

Jamie Lee:
And so now I want you to see yourself making that request you had in mind. And you are welcome to relax your arms if you'd like. Yeah. Or you can stay in your power pose if you'd like. It's totally up to you. But now, when you see yourself making that request, what comes to mind?

Client 4:
Opportunity.

Jamie Lee:
Yes. And when you have opportunity, what will that do for you?

Client 4:
I will bring me forward and help me progress.

Jamie Lee:
Yes.

Client 4:
Because then I I, I know what to do next. Yes. Because it's <inaudible> to brave that, uh, to see that opportunity so I can actually take up on the opportunity and, and know where it gives me, what, what it gives me. And even if it's, if it's a no or yes, it doesn't really matter, but then I can take and can pursue the next one and the next one and the next one. Yeah.

Jamie Lee:
And when you see an opportunity, there is an opportunity for somebody else too. Oh yeah. There's an opportunity for the person who's receiving your ask. When you make progress, there is progress for the person who's receiving your ask. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And when you see that with your specific and actionable request, you're making progress, you're creating opportunity, you're creating growth, not just for you, but maybe the people who are going to be inspired by what you do. Maybe the people who are influenced by what you do. What does this do for you?

Client 4:
Feels me very empowered. That makes me feel.

Jamie Lee:
And as you feel this feeling of being empowered, now see yourself making that ask one more time. What do you notice?

Client 4:
It's very easy, <laugh>

Jamie Lee:
When you gonna do it?

Client 4:
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And there wasn't any wall. Yeah. I did already went further ahead. So it just allowed it to happen.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah. Yeah. And there is no wall and it's very easy. What is this gonna do for you next time you go to make a specific and actionable request?

Client 4:
Yeah. It just helps me to just do it and not think too much about it,

Jamie Lee:
Really. That's right. Yeah. Right. I think you've got this.

Client 4:
Yeah.

Jamie Lee:
Awesome. Okay. So you can sit down if you would like <laugh>. Appreciate you. Thank you. So we still got 27 minutes, <laugh>. So who else has a specific and actionable request they would like to work through so that they can ask it with less anxiety? I still have one more tool. It's a really fun one. You don't have to go into. Yes, I love it, [redacted]. I love the brave people in front of the room with their cameras on <laugh>. All right, [redacted]. So, hi, Jamie. Hi. So I think I might walk you through these tools one more time only because repetition is how we grow our muscle. And repetition is how we create new neural pathways that will help you associate your self advocacy with service, with growth, with expansion. Is that okay? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Excellent. So I'm ask you the same question. You are thinking of something very specific and actionable, right? Yes. Excellent. And so again, when you think about making this specific and actionable request, what is the image that your brain conjures up?

Client 2:
The, um, the other person, like taking papers away.

Jamie Lee:
Ooh,

Client 2:
Just like taking the offer away.

Jamie Lee:
Oh, alright. Oh, so are we talking, is this an offer negotiation?

Client 2:
Uh, well it's a, hopefully it's a future offer negotiation. But that's what I see in my mind, is it if I, you know, if I ask for what I want, that they'll take the offer away.

Jamie Lee:
Okay. So I love that you said that because this is a very common fear among people, that if I negotiate, it goes away, right? As opposed to Oh yeah, they're, they're waiting for me. This is like the unspoken rule of the professional world. They want to see that you can negotiate unless they specifically say it's non-negotiable. Right? But most of the time they don't say that because again, unspoken rule, I used to work in HR and they don't say it, they don't want you to know, but it's just assumed people will negotiate. And often men do and often women don't. So that's why I'm like, oh, I got, I gotta start teaching women how to negotiate. Come on. This is good, right? Yeah. Okay. So having said that, I'm willing, now, we don't have to go there if you don't want to, but I'm willing to bet that aside from this person, if we were to look beyond the image of that person, there's somebody else maybe from your past, maybe even from childhood, there's somebody else who told you that it's not nice or you shouldn't ask for more. Tell me if I'm wrong.

Client 2:
Oh, no, you're not wrong. <laugh>.

Jamie Lee:
Okay, so now, what is that image?

Client 2:
Well, it's, uh, like scolding.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah. Okay, so we're going to do a shrinking screen. Okay? So this is some time ago. This is some, you are a younger self, right?
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.
And that scolding person, I want you imagine there is a screen like yay big. You know, we're also used to being in front of screens now, right? Iag, iPad, iPhone, Android, right? So just imagine there's a screen, like a little screen here in front of you. And I want to project that person's image onto that screen. You with me?

Client 2:
Yes.

Jamie Lee:
Yes. Excellent. So just for kicks, you know, like an iPad, you could like zoom in, zoom in, like that. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> image. See if you can do that. Just it, can you do that?

Client 2:
Sure.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah. It might feel a little weird and if it does, you're doing it right. Okay. And now if you can do that, you can also zoom out, right? So as this says, I want you to see that screen getting smaller and smaller because this person is from your past. The past is way yonder. So I want you to make that screen small. And now send it to the far, far left corner of your room. You with me still?

Client 2:
Yes. Uhhuh <affirmative>.

Jamie Lee:
And now again, just notice how much more resourceful, how much more experienced, how much more competent you have become, how much more mature you have become since that little image. Now see yourself growing taller and what's here for you now?

Client 2:
I think I can push that image out to the side,

Jamie Lee:
Right? There's so much, so many neurons in our brains that are devoted to visual processing. And so what we're doing is we're taking advantage of that. We're leveraging that, right? You gonna send that image all the way to the far left corner of your room, see yourself getting taller? And tell me how do you wanna feel? How do you wanna feel like you make that specific request?

Client 2:
I wanna feel like, um, it's a win-win.

Jamie Lee:
Yes. Yes, of course. Cause self-advocacy is an act of service. And tell me just, you know, broad strokes, it is a win-win because why

Client 2:
Have

Jamie Lee:
What you want. They get what

Client 2:
They, they get what they want also.

Jamie Lee:
Yes. We get something what we want, <laugh>. Okay, so I'm just gonna check in with you. Now. When you think about making that request very specific and actionable, how would you rate the level of anxiety between one and 10, 10 being the highest?

Client 2:
Oh, maybe four.

Jamie Lee:
Excellent. Okay. Again, do you think you can like crank it up to a five or a six?

Client 2:
Oh, I thought 10 was higher. Anxiety. Yeah. I, oh, you want me to make it worse? <laugh>,

Jamie Lee:
But I'm gonna show you something really cool. And the point, the reason why I'm asking you this question, even though it seems like counterproductive, is because I want you to see if you can crank it up.

Client 2:
Oh, okay. Right? Okay.

Jamie Lee:
Bigger. You can make smaller. You just did that with that image of the person. Uhhuh, <affirmative> small, right? Yes. You were able to zoom in. You were able to zoom out and send it all the way over there. Yeah. So does it feel like you could crank it up to like, or six?

Client 2:
I'm sure I can. <laugh>.

Jamie Lee:
All right, you're on track. You're doing great. Now everyone, I want you to grab something that you can pass back and forth in your hand. It, maybe it's a pen, maybe it's a tube of hand lotion. Excellent, excellent. All right. We're going to do bilateral stimulation. Okay? [redacted], you with me?

Client 2:
Yep.

Jamie Lee:
Excellent. All right. So I want you just follow me. Just take this item and put it in one hand. Cross the midline of your body, the midline of your body, put in your other hand. Now cross the midline again, put it in this other hand again. Excellent. I love it. You guys are doing great, right? So what we're doing here is called bilateral stimulation.
You, if you ladies are very active on Instagram, you might have seen binaural audio. So this is very similar, okay? And the reason why bilateral stimulation works is because anxiety is when one side of the hemisphere, one side of your brain is overactivated. And so with this, what we're doing is we're stimulating blood flow and impulses to the right brain, to the left brain, to the right brain, to the left brain, to the right brain, and the left brain, right?
So maybe we've been doing this for about a minute and I trust that those of you don't have your cameras on are following along. Cuz again, practice is what creates this magic. All right? So let's just take a quick pause here. So [redacted], I'm just gonna check in with you. Thank you so much. You're welcome, [redacted]. Bye. So [redacted], when you check in with yourself, how would you rate that anxiety now?

Client 2:
Yeah, my mind is, uh, not so focused on that. It's like it got, uh, like I let it think about something else, or I let it think about nothing for a little bit.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah, yeah. That anxiety that you had doesn't have a, doesn't have a chance when you are redirecting the flow to both sides of the hemisphere. And so if you had to pick a number, where might you be?

Client 2:
Probably down around, uh, around three. Now it's much lower. Yeah.

Jamie Lee:
Great. And so remind me again, you wanted to feel like this is a win-win, right?

Client 2:
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>? Yes.

Jamie Lee:
Okay, so let's just imagine that it is, because we do know that when you get what you want, they get what they want. And that's a classic example of a win-win. Yeah. And so I want you to imagine like, just, let's just imagine that you've done it. You've, you've made this specific and actionable request. Yeah. And you know that it is a win-win and they got what they want and you got what you want. What does that do for you?

Client 2:
Oh, that, I mean, that feels awesome. Like, you feel like you've brought something, uh, like you've, like you've already helped out.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah. And tell me, you know, you already helped out because why?

Client 2:
Because you have, because it was a win-win <laugh>.

Jamie Lee:
Right? And what's it like knowing that you've already helped out?

Client 2:
Yeah, I mean that's, that's, that's why we do things.

Jamie Lee:
That's why we do anything, right? That's why we make these specific and actionable requests. This is why we show up and we don't feel like it and do work. This is why we speak up. Right? Yeah. And how does that feel to know that you already helped?

Client 2:
That feels really good.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah. And when you feel really good, where in the body do you feel really good?

Client 2:
Right? In my, uh, I guess solar plexus. Is that right? Right. My core.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah. And this core, what if you were to describe it as a shape or color, like how would you describe it or give it a label? How would you describe it?

Client 2:
I think like a, a orange color. Like, uh, warmth.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah. Okay. So now I just want you to imagine this warm orange color to just take over your body and send it wherever it needs to go. And as you feel what it's like to feel this warm orange color now I want you to see yourself making that specific and actionable request. What's coming up for you?

Client 2:
It's just, it's calm, it's not anxious. It's, it's calm as I make the request.

Jamie Lee:
And when you're calm, how do you show up? How do you make this request? Mm. Maybe you can talk to me about like how you hold your body, the tone of your voice, how you

Client 2:
Oh yeah. Okay. Uh, with, with confidence.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah.

Client 2:
Yeah.

Jamie Lee:
And when you make this request with confidence, what would you know about you? What do you know about you?

Client 2:
I know that it's, that the request is good for me and it's, uh, also good for the company.

Jamie Lee:
That's right. That's right. Yeah. And, and

Client 2:
Then I'm not, not asking for extra

Jamie Lee:
<laugh>, right? Be honest even cause it's too much. No, you're not asking for extra. So when you know you're not asking for extra, how will this impact the next time you make another specific and actionable request?

Client 2:
Yeah, I probably feel like, um, I'm doing something reasonable again. Uh, I can ask that with confidence also.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah.

Client 2:
Um, even if it's declined, it's not declined because of, cuz I'm not worth it. It's declined because, uh, you know, there's some other reason if

Jamie Lee:
Okay. And then you could even get curious. Yeah.

Client 2:
Hmm.

Jamie Lee:
Right. Okay. Now when you see yourself making that request, what comes up for you this time?

Client 2:
Like, I, like, I feel like it, uh, I feel like I'm being reasonable. I feel like, um, like it can just work.

Jamie Lee:
I think you've got this <laugh>. Yeah. Awesome, awesome.

Client 2:
Oh, thank you.

Jamie Lee:
Yes. So, um, I'm gonna open the floor up. Uh, does, does anyone here wanna ask a question or you have any comments to share? Feel free to unmute yourself. Yes. Yes. Go ahead.

Client 4:
Thank you Jamie. Um, that is actually a very good, um, no, uh, really helped. And even now going through with [redacted] again, I just, um, ma made it really work, uh, worthwhile. So thank you very much. Uh, also, [redacted], my question is, um, to when you, would you, would you do this exercise every time you go through, before you go through a request that, um, you may feel a bit anxious about or so to, to, to kind of like reinforce the, the feeling of confidence? Or how would you, how would you use that to practice? Or is that something that you do in general that you think about something and then, you know, I don't like, I'm just trying to

Jamie Lee:
Yes. Why not?

Client 4:
Hmm.

Jamie Lee:
Did the exercise help you feel more calm, grounded, less anxious?

Client 4:
Yeah.

Jamie Lee:
Yeah. So if you do feel anxiety bubbling up and I'm an anxious person, I get anxious all the time, <laugh>. So I practice the peripheral vision, you know, when I just ask you to just look at something, soften your gaze and just, uh, shift your awareness to the periphery of your vision. I do that when I'm walking outside. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>
I, I, I sometimes do bilateral stimulation. I love doing shrinking screen when here's how I like to practice it. If, if sometimes our narrative and are unconscious, we're not even sure what we're thinking, but we just get kind of like, ugh. Or like upset with something like somebody wrote earlier, um, she was experiencing just a bit of resentment cause she felt she had been undervalued previously. And so then I think about that specific person or that specific situation, and then I practice shrinking screen.
I think about, yeah, where is that person? That person is like way in the middle of the country way so far from me. So then I just imagine that that person's image getting smaller and smaller and smaller. And I just throw it all the way across the Hudson River into the far distance. And then I ask myself, okay, how do I wanna feel? That was the past when I tell, when I keep telling myself that I'm resentful. If I keep reiterating repeating the old story of something that, something negative that had happened to me, if I feel a negative emotion, I know from my experience that I'm less likely to take action.

Client 4:
Yeah.

Jamie Lee:
And I've coached people who, you know, who felt like something had happened to them and so they felt like they've been gypped or taken advantage of and it was freezing them. It was holding them back from taking forward action. And so I think these are great tools and the reason why these tools work is because they leverage how our unconscious, our subconscious mind works, right? We're, we're leveraging how physiology changes the brain state. We're leveraging how, um, inducing blood flow and in, uh, impulses to both sides of the brain. Just like doing this right now, I feel, ooh, bit calm, right? And leveraging how, um, so much of the brain is devoted to visual processing. So they're like, okay, we think in images and words, we can change the image, we can also change the words. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. And when we do, we feel a shift.
And when we feel a shift, we feel empowered. And when we feel empowered, we take action. And when we take action, we create new results that is a service not just for us, but for other people that can inform decisions, that can inspire action, that can instill confidence in other people. That is why this is an active service. Thank you so much for your great question. Thank you. Yeah.
ll right. So if you enjoy this, if you wanna dive deeper with me one-on-one, you are invited to book your free one-on-one consultation. This is the url. I will send you the direct link in a follow up email. You'll also get the replay. And in this conversation we're gonna ensure that we're a great fit for one-on-one coaching. And I help my clients generate both the actionable, uh, communication plan, the strategy for self-advocacy in the workplace or in your professional area. And we blend it with some of these. And I have many, many other techniques that I walk and teach my clients so that when they advocate and negotiate and lead in the workplace, they're not faking it, it's genuine and they have real results that have them feeling even better.
So this is my invitation. You can type it in, I'll send you the link as well. I know some of you were, we already scheduled the chat, so I look forward to that. And in this conversation I'm gonna, um, walk you through how my philosophy and my tools can be custom fit specifically for your situation so that you can create results that you want, whether that is getting promoted, whether that is getting better paid, or just having a greater sense of agency, um, self confidence and satisfaction cuz you know that you use your voice the best way that you can. All right, so anyone else got other questions? I apologize. I apologize that I didn't, uh, set up the chat. I thought I enabled it and it's not working yet. So have anyone else got a question? This is the time to ask. Hi. You are on mute. Don't hear you. Hello? Try to say something?

Client 5:
Yeah, can you hear me now?

Jamie Lee:
Yes, I can hear you now.

Client 5:
So I think I'm off my headset. Um, I just wanna say thanks. This was really, really helpful and um, I am looking forward to a meeting with you. I have it set up in May. Um, uh, I guess the question I had was, do you find that people kind of build those new neural pathways to really shift into that new person so that it becomes easier and easier?

Jamie Lee:
Yes, they do. The more you practice the tools that I walk, you know, I walked you through and you know, I mean that's just a little sampling of it, right? And my clients, they go to town practicing it in between the sessions and we match that with actionable like detailed strategy. Like how they're gonna say it, when are they gonna say it, you know? Um, and then when they put that into practice, what happens is there is a shift that happens subconsciously, but there's also shift that happens consciously because you're making a conscious choice to become a different person. You're making a conscious choice to say different things and behave in a new way. And that, that always creates results. So yes, my answer to you is absolutely.

Client 5:
Yeah, I've really noticed that, um, just in recent months, a real shift and that when I'm kind of going back into that old story, it feels really crummy and I can catch myself and turn around.

Jamie Lee:
Self awareness is a huge part of the game because, you know, our brains, they're like, um, computer, they're the world's fastest computer still faster than chatGPT or any sort of AI, right? And it's totally natural for us to have deceptive brain messages that come back up. I like to call them the itty shitty committee. We all know what they sound, right? Right. Itty bitty shitty committee. It's totally normal, it's natural. But like exactly as you said, that awareness knowing, oh yeah, that's not me. I'm not choosing that, that is not my identity. That's just a sentence is just words. There's so much power in that. Thank you so much. Yeah. Yeah. Anything else?
All right, well thank you everyone. We're gonna end this a little bit early. So again, if you like to dive deeper with me, this is another free invitation (points to link to book 1:1 consultation).

Yeah. And, uh, remember to practice self-advocacy as an act of service, create pattern interrupts. We've practiced something called grounded and Rooted, which is a mashup of the power pose with peripheral vision, bilateral stimulation, shrinking screen. All right, everyone, have a great day.