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Hello, I'm Jamie Lee. I'm an executive coach for smart women who don't like office politics. And I help them get promoted and better paid without throwing anyone under the bus. How? By blending proven communication strategies with brain-shifting neuroscience techniques. In this podcast, we explore the stories and strategies of gutsy women who've braved speaking up and navigated their careers forward. We're here to de-risk the conversations that feel the most daunting, advocating for yourself and your growth. Let's dive in. Welcome to Risky Conversations. And why? Because everything that's worthwhile is on the other side of a risky conversation. But you know, there are different types of risky conversations. Often when people think of me, they think about negotiation because I did start out as a negotiation consultant helping women professionals better negotiate their new job offers. But, you know, here's something that you wouldn't expect a negotiation coach to say. The truth is, some of the most powerful career moves happen when you don't ask for anything at all. And on this Friday, July 24th, my client Sarah Neil Smith and I are going to teach you exactly how to have this career conversations where you don't ask for anything at all and generate power for your negotiation outcomes. You're like, wait, how does that happen? Let me explain. I often coach clients on negotiating a promotion or raise from within. I sometimes coach clients on their job offers, and I'll tell you about that in a minute as well. But when I coach clients on negotiating a promotion or a raise, I ask them some very simple questions. Questions like, what do you know about the typical promotion cycle in your organization? What do you know about how and when your organization promotes? And who are the people who get called in to make those decisions? Who has the final say? And who has their ear? In other words, who are they gonna go to? Who are the decision makers gonna go to to consult on that decision? And I have to tell you, some clients, when I ask these questions, go completely blank. It's not because they aren't smart. They're some of the most brilliant, hardworking, well-educated people I've ever met. But they've been so heads down, so busy doing the work. Or in, you know, in their words, they say, I'm just so busy in the weeds or putting out fires, that they never looked up long enough to see how the system actually operates. And when we dig a little bit deeper, they also share with me that they've sort of assumed that the work would speak for themselves. And then and then they didn't quite realize that work doesn't have a mouth. You do. And then when a promotion, you know, cycle comes, and they notice that their colleague who doesn't pull as much weight as they do got promoted, they're feeling blindsided. Yeah. And then there are clients who can answer every question What is the promotion cycle? Who makes those decisions? Who influences them, right? And why? Because they're curious people, they're hungry for knowledge, they've had informal, curious conversations with people across their organization, not just the people from whom they want validation, recognition, or promotion, but people you know who work in different functions, people who do a completely different role, you know, at different levels, up and down and across, not to extract anything, not to transact, just to understand, just to better understand the whole picture. It's like they understand that you know, when they do the work, it's like, you know, it's sort of like that story about blind people and the elephant. You know, they they know they're just touching the the one aspect, one part of the whole elephant. So they they want to better connect with other people who are touching different parts of the elephant so they can see, they can sense the whole elephant, the whole picture, the whole shebang. And those people almost always negotiate better outcomes consistently. Let me give you a different analogy. Not asking for anything, having conversations, in other words, de-risking the conversations when you go to ask for things. It's it's a lot like fine dining. If you've watched those fine dining themed TV shows like The Bear or Culinary Class War, you you see that there is prep, the mise en plus, the the cutting of the onions and the chopping of the potatoes and preparing the protein just right. That is what makes it happen, right? Negotiation, where you go to make that request and there's that back and forth, right? That's more like when the chef, the final chef, puts the garnish on the dish and right before it goes out the door into the dining room to be served. That's what negotiation actually is, right? But there's all this work that goes before, like goes unseen. The mise en place, the chopping of the potatoes, the preparing of the protein. That's what makes it possible. It's everything that happens before. And as you know, if you've seen culinary class war or any other cooking competitions, you know that that can that can make or break the competition, right? And that prep is essential. Mise en place is and set is essential, and conversations where you don't ask for anything is essential. Let me give you two case studies. Number one, a client of mine was negotiating a job offer. She was laid off and she was interviewing and she secured a job offer with this AI company, and she really wanted to join the company and become an executive, be in the leadership suite, and she wanted a negotiation edge. And the negotiation edge she had, aside from all the coaching support and all of that, was that she had a friend who had once worked at that particular company. She once worked in the finance department. And so she had one low pressure, no ask conversation with this friend who let her know that the base salary she wanted to ask for was completely within range of pay ranges that this company had already paid for people at that particular level. So, yes, you could say, well, she did ask for information, didn't she? Yes, but she didn't ask her friend to go put in a good word or you know, try to influence the decision, you know, which is what people typically think of when people think about playing games or office politics, right? It wasn't like that. It was like, okay, you're no longer with that company, you know, you're not no longer beholden to their, you know, confidential, you know, like information. It's like you can share this information with me, friend to friend. And that gave her the confidence, that gave her the capacity to stand strong when she did encounter some pushback when she asked for $250,000 in base salary, including bonus and equity, and she got it. She got everything that she asked for. So there's the power of those informal conversations that gain you information and help you cut through what people call information asymmetry. In other words, when the potential employer, you know, holds more of the cards, more of the information close to their vests, and you're sort of you feel like you're negotiating in the blind. But having had more conversations where you know you establish connection and camaraderie with another person that can help you cut through that information asymmetry. And let me give you another example. Another client of mine, Jess, she was a senior manager at a global entity, and she wanted to become marketing director. And she wanted to make this, you know, doable. And so the strategy we employed was she simply engaged in informational conversations with cross-functional leaders, with leaders who were working in the legal department, people who are working in the sales department, people who are working in product development. And she ensured that she sat, you know, eye to eye, you know, side by side, and she demonstrated that the work, the project that she's working on is aligned with what they're trying to achieve. They're on the same page, in other words. So we call this same page management. And she didn't ask for them to put in a good word with her direct boss, she didn't ask for them to do anything for, she didn't ask for any favors. She simply demonstrated interest alignment, this like goal alignment. That's all she did. And here's what happened: our coaching engagement ended, and then in a couple months, I heard back from her, and she wrote me an email, and she said that her boss felt compelled to ask for the highest pay possible for her. And why? Because behind closed doors, she was a known entity. She hadn't asked for anything from these cross-functional leaders, and they probably found that refreshing and probably remembered: oh, this is a person who's doing work that is aligned with what we're trying to achieve. Her work matters, it drives our revenue, it drives her product development goals, yeah. And because of that, her boss felt compelled, and so that is the power of not asking for anything. You listen, you learn, you become known. And when it's finally time to negotiate, you're not guessing, you're informed, you're ready. And sometimes it just makes that finishing touch, that that final touch, when you do put yourself up for promotion or for the bigger paycheck, it's like, oh yeah, no worries, right? This happened with my client, Sarah Neil Smith, who was also on this podcast. I'll link to that in the show notes. And she talked about how her framework of engaging in informational interviews helped to ignite collaborative cognition with her conversation partners, who are all professionals in different fields or different industries, different levels. And she talked about how that helped her pivot out of an unhappy career in academia and pivot successfully into private investigations while securing a 7% pay increase. And then she did it again, second time, again with informational interviews, and she increased her income by 50%, and this time in grant writing with a with a foundation, right? And and again, it's because she didn't ask for anything that her mise en plus, her preparation leading into those offer negotiations was done so well that by the time she went and asked for a payer higher in higher income, higher offer, it was not a big deal. Right? So she effectively de-risked a risky conversation by not asking for anything at all. And so this Friday, Sarah Neil Smith, PhD, and I are teaming up together. I have a couple more other clients who are gonna join this workshop and they're gonna talk about how they put this framework to work for themselves. And we're gonna show you exactly how to do this step by step. And then we're gonna practice it together so that you not only have the framework and the confidence, but you also have your exact next steps to put this into action. Do your mise en place really well so that when you go to negotiate, like you're well prepared. The link to join this workshop is in the show notes, or you can go to anti-networking dot jamie leecoach.com. Anti-networking is one word dot J A M I E L E C O A C H dot com. I I don't spell my first name like the French do. It's J A M I E. I spell it like Jamie Lee Curtis. So antinetworking.jamie leecoach.com. I really hope you will join me. This is going to be a one-time only workshop, and I know people are going to get so much value out of this. I'm so happy to be collaborating with my own clients to teach you something that is immediately actionable and can help you grow your income potential. So again, anti networking.jameleecoach.com, $25, $25 only. And yes, if you can't join it live this Friday at noon Eastern, you will get the replay. And why shouldn't you join? Because you can't negotiate what you don't know. So let's help you gain the skill so you can go learn how to find out and also have conversations that gain you leverage in a quiet way without playing games, without conventional networking, without being gross. I will see you there. Thank you for joining me today on Risky Conversations. Remember, everything worthwhile is on the other side of a risky conversation. And when done well, your self-advocacy becomes an act of service. If you're ready to de-risk your own career evolution, I invite you to book a free hour-long consultation at jamilecoach.com slash apply. J A M I E L E E C O A C H dot com slash apply. We'll map out your custom blueprint to confidence and get you on the path to being better paid on your own terms. Let's make your next conversation the one that changes everything toxin.