Jamie Lee  0:00  
What should you do when a colleague takes credit or gets recognition for your ideas at work? It's upsetting. It's infuriating to encounter this. It's been happening ever since women entered the workforce, and it's still happening. I know this because I've seen it firsthand. My coaching clients also experience it. I got curious, and I asked chatgpt, who are some women in history whose ideas have been considered stolen by men? And did you know there are at least three women, Rosalind Franklin, Jocelyn Bell, Burnell, and there's another woman, Lise Meitner, all three women contributed. They came up with pioneering, game changing ideas in science, and all three women did not get the recognition. They deserve the recognition, and the Nobel prize went to men. I mean, these are just three out of many, many examples who are in male dominated industries, science, technology, physics, engineering, they came up with game changing, pioneering ideas that added tremendous value to their field, to science, to society, but the recognition, the award, the Nobel Prize, and all of the monetary professional and the reputational perks of that prize went to men. It's maddening, it's enraging. It's still happening, and maybe you've encountered something like this firsthand. You'll speak up in a meeting with managers and executives, and then you'll offer a strategic solution to a business problem, only to go unacknowledged, maybe even ignored, or worse, yet shushed or silenced. Then a colleague, almost always a man, not always, but almost always, a man will paraphrase your idea and then get praised for it, or maybe you've been collaborating on a project with a colleague. You originated the idea. You contributed 80% if not more, of the work. But you find out through the grapevines that this colleague, let's just call him, unoriginal, Steve for now, this Steve, is gunning for a promotion based on the work you did with him, you helped him do and Steve is now scheduling meetings with senior leaders without you to further his own career. This happens, right? And maybe you've seen someone like an original Steve on an accelerated promotion track, and it would seem true that the loudest, the most bombastic people get ahead, while hardworking people like you, who actually put their brains to work don't. And if you're a woman, a minority, it might seem true that you know, women, minorities, just don't get a break because of the patriarchy, because of the white supremacy in the workplace, and you might justifiably find this upsetting and exhausting. You might lose sleep over it. You might find yourself feeling resentful and bitter, complaining about it all the time in your personal life, so you're not really enjoying your life outside your job. You might worry that something like this will happen again, because it has already happened before. It feels unfair. It hurts. I know while injustices do persist, you don't want to idly stand by and let it happen to you. You want to be able to identify the patterns that lead to this sort of thing, so you can speak up, so you can call it out when someone tries to take credit for your ideas, so that you can claim the credit you deserve, right the wrong and help you get promoted, help you get better paid, help you get ahead in your career. It might feel risky, and remember, this is risky conversations, and why? It's because everything that is worthwhile is on the other side of a risky conversation. And it could feel like a risk, but it could be a risk you're willing to take because you want to be able to go to sleep at night knowing that you did the right thing by you, the right thing for you, your actions teach others how to treat you. So in this podcast, I'm going to walk you through three things. Number one, patterns to watch out for and what to do. Number two, how to focus on the things that are in your control so that you can effect change, so that you can either prevent something like this from happening, if it already has happened, you can nip it in the bud. And number three, what to say and how to say it when someone tries to take credit for your ideas. So let's talk about patterns to watch out for. I think they're both external patterns and internal patterns. I think the external patterns are good to keep an eye out for. And typically, it's the kind of workplaces where it's just normal for senior leaders to take credit for other people's ideas and contributions, usually people who report to them junior staff or staff member who are not senior leaders, they just feel like it's just normal, and that's just the culture of this workplace. And usually in those types of workplaces, morale tends to be very low. There's low engagement. There tends to be a pattern of micromanagement, and staff usually don't get acknowledged or recognized publicly. There's there's usually a top down culture, and because all of that, the credit routinely goes only to the senior leaders in meetings, presentations and reports. The people on top of the food chain are the ones who consistently and exclusively receive recognition and praise, even when the actual work was done by staff or junior members. So if you know you notice that's a pattern, just keep an eye out right? Another pattern you might want to watch out for is places where recognition, acknowledgement is reserved for only once or maybe twice a year, only during the formal reviews, the mid year review and the end of year review, like it's not the usual culture to appreciate and celebrate individual contribution. In my coaching practice, every session we start with celebrations. Every every session we celebrate, okay, what's going well? What progress are we making? And the reason for that is because it helps to cultivate a sense of validation, and validation helps to create confidence. And my clients who are managers and executives, they love that so much. They typically take that and they bring that into their meeting culture. They bring it to their workplaces. But there are some workplaces where it's very different, where recognition, celebrating, what is going well, what you are contributing, is considered only to be part of a transaction, right? You get recognized, you're going to ask for something, right? It's very transactional, as opposed to No, we're we're going to celebrate, we're going to appreciate, right? Because we like a culture of recognizing people for their daily or, you know, routine contributions. Here's another extreme, but real example of something to watch out for workplaces where women, particularly women leaders, are silenced and pushed out for having a different opinion. I once coached a client, somebody who is an internationally regarded expert in her niche, and she works in a male dominated environment. She's in life sciences, and she was briefly at an institution where the leadership had a history of firing women, and she found this out after she got fired from her job for having a different opinion. I know it's not exactly the same thing as someone taking credit for your ideas, but think about it, if this is a culture where women are punished for having a different point of view, I mean, that's the kind of environment. That's the kind of place where idea theft or taking credit, stealing credit from people who are not the male, pale, stale norm of corporate leadership, where that sort of thing is either tolerated or even subtly encouraged, right? And these are types of places I would like to say where women leaders, talented women leaders, maybe you should consider avoid rewarding those places with the gift of your time and the gift of your talent.

Jamie Lee  9:36  
But if you do notice this is a pattern you see around you. You already there. Here are things that you can do. I think there are at least four or five specific things you can do. Number one, document, everything, if you are generating ideas, if you are engaged in meetings, and if you are contributing, you know, significant. In ideas and contributing to the decision making. Keep a record of those emails. Take notes at the meetings. Share those notes, create a paper trail of your ideas and contributions. The second thing you can do is if you notice that your manager or your leader tend to take credit for your ideas and don't feel it's an issue, maybe you can start CC and BC, seeing other leaders, other decision makers, other people who can back you up in the email communication, right? So bring it to light. So you know it can't be hidden that you generated ideas. And the third and the most important thing, something I advocate for everyone, every woman, every professional, to do is you gotta speak up early and often. Speak up early and often. And if you generate an idea, if you share the idea, and you're in a meeting, you know, discussing your idea, and somebody tries to take credit for your idea. Interrupt the takers interrupt the idea. Takers politely, persistently, calmly, with poise, but persistently. You can use phrases like hey, as I suggested earlier, or, you know, building on my idea. Or you could even say things like, you know, I'm glad that you're spotlighting my idea. Thank you for that. And to to that point, here are some additional ideas I have, or Here are additional things that we need to think through. Or here's how I came up with my idea, right? There are ways to interrupt the idea takers, Co Op, the CO opting people, yeah. And another thing you can do. Another thing, I encourage my clients to do something you can work on, starting today, build allies. Build connection. Have informal conversations with people who can speak up for you, even when you are not in the room and many people are still working remotely, virtually in a hybrid fashion. And of course, you can still do this virtually. One of my clients, a software engineer at a huge multinational company, she asked her male colleague she was once the only female engineer in her team. And so she realized she needed men to speak up for her, for her to get the recognition from her male manager. And so she asked them, she cultivated allies, and she asked them to, hey, could you speak up? Could you, you know, make a comment in the public Slack channel when you see me doing something technical, when you when you notice that I'm contributing, would you chime in, please? Would you mention me? Right? And they did, and they gave her credit for her ideas. They helped her increase the perception of being a technical contributor. It was a brilliant strategy. She she, you know, leveraged that really well and helped her get promoted months ahead of schedule, and helped her secure a pay increase as well. So there are specific things that you can do right if you notice these patterns. First of all, if you notice that you're at a place where women are being pushed out or silenced, or, you know, different opinions are not being tolerated, you may consider voting with your feet, but if you are in a place where it's not that bad, but there is, you know, sort of a culture of senior people taking credit for junior people's idea, or you know, you're getting overlooked because you're different, because you're a minority, because you're the only woman. Cultivate, cultivate allies, speak up early, communicate, document everything. Yeah. So with that said, let's go to the internal patterns. Or I like to think of these as things in your control. I think when people take credit for your ideas, it's symptom, obviously, of patriarchy, of sexism, of gender bias, yes, but sometimes there are patterns that have been existing even before you know that incident has happened that has contributed to it, and so we want to be able to catch those patterns earlier on, so we convict change. And the pattern I've noticed among my clients who experience idea theft is there's at least five different components. Number one, highly competent people, diligent, extremely diligent professionals who aren't the most outspoken. No, they're not the people who are going to take up all the air in a meeting. They're not bombastic, they're not loud. They like to. To keep their head down and do good work. And it feels really good for them to do that. It feels comfortable. It feels confident for them to keep their head down, do great work and pay meticulous attention to detail. So the first thing is highly competent, diligent. The second thing, keep their head down. Do good work. They love doing that. And number three, they usually have a bit of a perfectionist streak. They pay meticulous attention to detail. They pride in getting their work done well and without error, without getting it quote, unquote wrong. The fourth thing is, they usually don't have a history of advocating on behalf of their ideas. They usually don't have a history of asking for a raise or a promotion. So if these folks did get a raise, usually it was awarded to them without them asking for it. And for them, it just feels right. It feels like, oh, yeah, that's how it should be. I don't have to ask for it. They should reward me because of the tyranny of shoulds. This is the fifth component. Usually, people who experience this thing, they are high achieving, but they're under the tyranny of shoulds. What are the tyranny of shoulds? It is a series of narratives that constrain their perception, their self assessment, and their choice of action, and it comes from a number of should statements. And it's a variation. It's usually a variation of these three should statements, the first one being other people, my manager, people who make decisions, they should see through this nonsense, right? If someone takes credit for their ideas, they're thinking, No, the people who are above me, they should just know. They should know that I did, the work that I came up with the idea, right? It's kind of like Tiara syndrome. Tiara syndrome is something that I have talked about in a number of episodes of several times in my workshops and webinars. Tiara syndrome is something that was coined by Carol forlinger. You know, Tiara syndrome is usually when people think that if they keep their head down do good work, they will be rewarded and recognized. A tiara will land on their heads somehow magically, kind of like in a 90s Disney fairy tale. But we all know we do not live in the 90s Disney fairy tale. That's not reality. If you keep your head down and do good work, usually you just get rewarded with more work and more responsibility, but not the recognition. And sometimes other people take the recognition, yeah, the second should is, I shouldn't have to fight for the recognition. The work should speak for itself with this should there is discomfort or even nervous system activation. It can feel like anxiety, sometimes even like crippling anxiety around speaking up and this discomfort, or the nervous system activation, leads to a kind of denial, right? I shouldn't have to do that. That's that is a denial, right? Or when you think about a different way, it's a confirmation bias, where in their mind, they see all the evidence of how it should be different. It shouldn't be this way. It's wrong. It's morally wrong. In their mind, they underestimate their own capacity to speak up, to communicate, to advocate, to negotiate for the recognition, and they underestimate the people who can help them and go to bad for them.

Jamie Lee  19:21  
They might say like, oh, Pat, shouldn't have to do that. Oh, you know, Jan, oh, they don't. They don't want to be bothered for something like this. And underneath that is more shoulds, I shouldn't be making waves. I shouldn't be negative about this, or I shouldn't risk being disliked. And then the third should that contributes to the tyranny of shoulds is something like, I shouldn't have to, quote, unquote, sell my idea. You know, if I have to advocate and sell. My idea, it's sleazy, it's arrogant, it's bombastic. I shouldn't have to do that. If the tyranny of shoulds feel familiar to you, let's just notice. Let's just notice that each should the manager should see through this. I shouldn't have to speak of the work. Should speak for itself. I shouldn't be negative, I shouldn't make waves. I shouldn't have to sell. I shouldn't have to do that like just notice each should begets more. Shoulds that keep you stuck in either blame or shame. You either blame other people or you blame yourself. I'm not articulate. I can't do that. I'm not good enough. Maybe, you know, I will be disliked, and this leads to lack of action and feeling stuck in the blame shame game. One thing that I want to add about that thought like, you know, sometimes when you're in the blame shame game, you know, underneath all of that is like, there's something wrong with me. I'm not good at it. I'm not good at advocating for myself. I can't do that. And one thing that I want to say to that is, like, if you do have that thought and you really genuinely feel that, like you're not good at it, or you can't do it because you don't have evidence that you've ever done it. Then I just want to ask you, like, how do you know if you're not good at it, if you never really tried it, you got to try it. You got you got to take action and and assist the evidence after you've taken some action, right? So just the thought about that, okay, but back to the tyranny of shoulds. Just to recap the tyranny of shoulds, it creates a whole series of narratives. And every should is a story. It might be a very convincing story, a very compelling story, because it's a belief that feels true, like every belief feels true to the body, regardless of whether it is actually true or not, the series of narratives the shoulds, they filter your perception, they filter your self assessment, they filter and they shape your choices and actions. So to think about this, I want you to think of this visual metaphor. Think of a glass bowl underwater. Think of it as, let's say it's tinted green or red, whichever color. Just imagine it's a tinted glass bowl and it's underwater, and you're the fish in this tinted glass bowl underwater in a much, much bigger body of water. Maybe it's the Hudson River, maybe it's the Pacific Ocean, but you're maybe it's Lake Erie, but your tinted glass bowl is the tyranny of shoulds. You're the fish and it's underwater. So to you to the fish, the bowl is invisible. You don't even know it's there. You can see out through it. You can see the other fish. You can see the bigger world beyond that fishbowl. But the tyranny of shoulds it keeps you from moving out and into that bigger world, right? Because every time you're like, oh, I shouldn't have to speak up, or I shouldn't make waves like it keeps you contained. It keeps you stuck. It keeps you small. And the thing to know about this is that this whole experience is not your fault. I'm just going to repeat it one more time. If you experience the tyranny of shoulds, this is not your fault, the tyranny of shoulds, if you find yourself inside that tinted glass bowl, you can kind of see out, but you're not really seeing it clearly. You're not seeing it objectively, and you can move out beyond it. It's not your fault. This is an effect of the patriarchy. We're conditioned, especially as women, especially as minorities, we're conditioned to think and believe these self limiting shoulds. And the first step out of this glass bowl into the bigger body of water, into your possibility, into you know bigger results, into a bigger paycheck, into more recognition, into career advancement. The first step out of the tyranny of shoulds is to recognize that every should is, as I said, a story, not fact, not universal truth. In my coaching practice, I never like to tell my clients what they should do. You know, people ask me. Clients like to ask me, What should I do? And I'm like, You know what? To be honest, I don't know what you should do because I don't like shoulds. I'm always trying to help them get out of the tyranny of shoulds, right? And sometimes it's like, let's just question, let's just identify and question all the shoulds so that you can move into what you could do, different choices you could make, into that bigger body of water, bigger realm of possibility, and also get clear about what you would like to do, so that you can reach your potential. Do bigger things get promoted. Let's unwind some of the shoulds. The first one, managers should see through this people who need to know about your contributions, whether they're decision makers, senior leaders, CXOs, they're busy people. They're not omniscient people. They're human. They don't know everything. They're easily distracted by their own worries and insecurities. They're just human. The people who need to know, they often don't know you originated an idea that could be a game changer. They don't know until you speak up and remind them again and again. And I assure you, as I talk about this in the very first episode, episode one of this podcast. When you advocate for your idea in this way, it becomes an act of service, because it helps those people who need to make those decisions. It helps them make better decisions. The second shit, my work should speak for itself. Nope, nope. Work doesn't speak. It doesn't have a mouth, but you know what you do. So if you feel nervous, if you feel anxious, if you feel stuck, if like, your nervous system is so activated, just the idea of speaking up, because in your mind, it's associated with conflict, and you're just conflict averse. I just want you to know there's nothing wrong with you, your brain, your nervous system, is working just as it was designed to help protect you from any real or perceived threat. The intention of your brain, your nervous system, in this activation, is positive. It has positive intentions, except your nervous system just doesn't know that you saying words, whether in a meeting after you've taken a beat or taken a deep breath to yourself, or whether you're in a Zoom meeting or at a teams meeting, when you when you say words neutrally, it's not the same level of threat as it once was for our ancestors, running away from a saber toothed tiger in the wild, your survival is not at threat when you speak up for you. And with that said, let me give you some examples, like if someone someone does take credit for your ideas in a meeting, I made an 18 second video reel demonstrating these scripts, and you can find them on YouTube, on LinkedIn. I'll link to it in the show notes. But here are some things you can say again neutrally, you can say, you know, I'm

Jamie Lee  28:14  
glad you see the value of my ideas. I appreciate your vote of confidence. There's a tiny bit of sass in that. I like it, okay. And here's the second one, thanks for spotlighting my point. This one's from a Harvard Business Review article written by Alicia basuk. I'll link to that in the show notes too. And here's another one. You could say, you could say, and yes, as I mentioned earlier, this idea can be a game changer. Thanks for bringing it up again. You know, even if somebody tries to take credit for your ideas, you can redirect the conversation with this positive reframe, and you can give yourself the clear acknowledgement that the idea is yours. I'm going to reference that script one more time. Yes, as I mentioned earlier, this idea can be a game changer. Thanks for bringing it up again with this one. You're also leveraging the power of yes and and you make it hard for other people to dismiss or ignore the role you have had, and you're not attacking anyone. But also, even after having said that, I am somebody who experiences nervous system activation. I experience anxiety, and I want to remind you that there's nothing wrong with you, and they're also beyond the scripts, really simple, super simple, super effective brain rewiring tools you can learn to reduce your anxiety and speak up for you. This is something I routinely teach in my coaching practice, and I have several demos of some of these choice tools right on this podcast you can check out episode 33 This one's titled The one from anti anxiety toolkit. And episode 66 self directed neuro. Plasticity tools, I'm demonstrating the tools, and I walk you through how you can implement these tools for communication confidence, so you can watch it and practice them on your own. And of course, if you want individual help, you can reach out for a free consultation at Jamie Lee, coach.com, forward slash, apply. But before we wrap up, let's think about the last should I know this one comes up sometimes, right? I shouldn't have to, quote, unquote, sell my idea. Selling it sleazy. Selling is beneath me. I want you to think about how selling could be just another way to describe inspiring people into action and as a leader, as a woman leader, as a manager, you need to inspire people into action. And you inspire people into action with your ideas. Your ideas have value, they have merit. They can be a game changer. But I can understand why this can feel so difficult for hardworking, smart, competent women because of the gender bias we've been taught to internalize, and we internalize them again. It's like the tyranny of shoulds. It's like being underwater in that tinted glass bowl, you can't even see it. You don't even realize you're in it, right? It's invisible. The gender bias that we've all been taught to internalize is that women get rewarded for labor, for their productivity, whereas men can get rewarded for the value of their ideas, even today in the 21st century, I'm recording this in September 2024 we have people. We have people in position of power and influence who think women's place is in the home, laboring with their bodies to give birth and to raise children. And if you are a post menopausal woman, it means that your role should be helping to raise grandchildren. I mean, just to say this out loud, it feels so wrong to me. It feels so backwards and unbelievable to me as a feminist and a feminist coach, I mean, I celebrate female professional achievements day in and day out. But this is the reality sexist paradigms persist, not just in the mouths of reprehensible politicians, but in the invisible context in which we're taught, we're conditioned to assess and appreciate our own professional value. And think about how often you might tell yourself, I should have gotten more done. I should be busier. I should I should be getting so much more done. I'm behind. And why is that? It's because we're conditioned to associate our labor, our productivity, with our worthiness, with how good we are, how moral we are. And so therefore, the idea of advancing, advocating, quote, unquote, selling your idea, could feel morally wrong. As girls and as young women, we weren't often encouraged to celebrate the value of our ideas, similar to how we weren't actively encouraged to negotiate, to advocate for our future potential, and that has a real, material impact on women's earnings, on women's career. You know, outcomes and potential, right? But how far they can go. But having said all of that, if that still hasn't convinced you to take action, speak up and take credit for your ideas, because you just still don't really like the idea of quote, unquote, selling your ideas because it feels like you have to sell yourself. I encourage you. You don't have to think of it that way. You're not a used car salesman or some sleazy person of any gender who's trying to pull one over on someone. You're not an imposter. You're not a fraudster. You're a professional with great, valuable ideas that can genuinely benefit your team, your organization, your clients, society, the world. So don't sell, don't do that. Just get very clear, very, very specific about how your ideas when implemented, when executed. Can help other people just get very specific, clear and concrete about it, and tell them that again and again and again. Again, tell the stakeholders, tell the potential clients, tell the manager, and this is the work I help my clients do. Get very, very clear, get very specific, get concrete, and tell the people what they need to hear, because it helps them, because it is an act of service. To wrap this all up, I want to say, yeah, it totally sucks when a colleague or a superior takes credit or gets recognition for your ideas at work. It sucks it happens, but you do not have to be a victim of your circumstance, you do not need to become complicit in robbing you of the credit you deserve. You can take yourself out of the tyranny of shoulds by questioning all the shoulds that keep you stuck in staying silent or complicit in robbing you of the credit you deserve. And you can engage. You can approach it from a neutral, objective place. You can speak up, give yourself credit, and you can advance your career in a way that feels aligned with your authentic leadership. I believe that I genuinely do so again. If you want to take this work further, come on over to Jamie leecoach.com j, A, M, I, E, L, E, E, C, O, A, C, h.com. You can book a free hour long consultation to find out how we can be a fit for each other. And in the meantime, I am rooting for you and cheering you on on giving yourself the credit that you are due. Talk to you soon you.